Discipline Is the Difference Between Broke and Wealthy

**Dave Ramsey** (0:05)
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Normal is broke and common sense is weird, so we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network and the FAIRWINDS Credit Union studio, this is The Ramsey Show. I'm Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruze, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, co-host of Smart Money Happy Hour, and my daughter is my co-host today. The phone number here is 888-825-5225. The call is free, and some say the advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. Stacy's in Portland, Oregon. Hey, Stacy, what's up?

**SPEAKER_2** (0:44)
Hi, you too, thank you for your time today.

**Dave Ramsey** (0:47)
You too, how can we help?

**SPEAKER_3** (0:49)
So I have an issue with my spouse. We've created a habit in our marriage where we go, I go to my parents and ask for money. And this basically comes from him telling me to do so.
And I just really need help with this situation because I don't want to ask my parents for money anymore. I feel like we need to handle our own financial problems ourselves.

**Rachel Cruze** (1:20)
How long have you guys been married?

**SPEAKER_3** (1:23)
Almost 20 years.

**Rachel Cruze** (1:24)
Okay. And what's the main reason for going to them for money? Is this for big purchases, emergencies, monthly bills? What's the reason for it?

**SPEAKER_3** (1:36)
I would say it's a combination of all three. It's different every time.
Just this last time, he decided to spend a lot of money doing a project for himself, and then that kind of left us behind.

**SPEAKER_5** (1:54)
What kind of project?

**SPEAKER_3** (1:57)
Building a shop at our home.

**Dave Ramsey** (2:01)
Okay.

**Rachel Cruze** (2:02)
And how much money do you guys usually, is it, are you looking for when you ask them?

**SPEAKER_3** (2:09)
It's probably around $40,000 to $50,000.

**Dave Ramsey** (2:15)
Each time?

**SPEAKER_3** (2:16)
Yeah.

**Dave Ramsey** (2:18)
Okay.
All right. Well, to start with, I think I can see behind the curtain that you are not involved in handling the money at all. He is. And so he brings you a want or a crisis that he hasn't figured out a way to handle. And you're kind of on the outside looking in. And he says, oh, you've got to help with this because your mom and dad are like the infinite bank over there.

**Rachel Cruze** (2:44)
Would you say that's true, Stacey?

**SPEAKER_3** (2:47)
So almost. He actually has nothing to do with the finances.

**Rachel Cruze** (2:52)
So he sounds like the one that's checked out and he's like, oh, well, we need some money because I'm doing this thing over here.

**SPEAKER_3** (2:57)
Yeah, he kind of just spends and, you know, waits for me to say, okay, you know, it's too much.

**Dave Ramsey** (3:05)
Here's the thing, that going to your parents is the symptom. It's not the problem.

**SPEAKER_3** (3:11)
Correct.

**Dave Ramsey** (3:12)
Okay, and so you've got to fix the problem and then you won't need to go to your parents anymore. And so how do we do that? Well, this is called a marriage makeover.
We're gonna sit down and we're gonna both be grownups. I refuse to continue to operate the way we've been operating. It's not healthy, it's not good, and I'm getting progressively pissed off at you. I mean, frustrated with you. I mean, bitter towards you. I mean, yeah. Resentful. Whatever, right? I mean, you fill in the word, right? But, and this is getting worse rather than better, and so we're gonna try a new thing. You and I are going to sit down together like two adults, not like one of us had a kid with a candy store with his hand out, and we're going to decide each month what we are going to do with our money. I'm happy to write the checks and pay the bills once we have agreed on where the money that we make is going to go.
And I'm never going to my parents again, for any reason, ever.
So we've got to fix this, honey. We've got to get on the same page. It's messing up our relationship and it's messing up our money. And it's gonna mess up our relationship with mom and dad eventually, because eventually they're gonna get tired of it. They're probably past tired of it already, really. But, so, I mean, so if that conversation, sitting down with him and says, okay, we're gonna get on the same team, we're gonna be in agreement each month before the month begins, where the money is going, and we're gonna be in agreement on the principles that we are going to save, we're going to be generous, we're going to invest. And if we can't agree on those principles, then we have a different problem that's not a money problem, it's a marriage problem and we're gonna sit down with a marriage counselor.