Damn Nature You Scary

**Nigel** (0:01)
The Hammer and Nigel Show.

**Hammer** (0:02)
Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals?

**Allison** (0:05)
Hey baby, let's go out there like a bunch of crazedogs, have some fun.

**Hammer** (0:08)
The dingo ate your baby. And now Hammer and Nigel proudly presents Damn, nature, you're scary. on 93WIBC.

**Allison** (0:18)
Lions? And tigers?

**Hammer** (0:19)
And bears.

**Allison** (0:21)
Yeah, mives. Out of the mud.

**Nigel** (0:26)
C&C Lounge. Man, listen to that crowd. Let's go. Good lord. C&C Lounge in Greenwood on Main Street, baby. Cocktail in one hand, cigar in the other. My name is Nigel Jason Hammer sitting right next to me, and we are literally living the dream right now. I don't know why we don't do this every Friday.

**SPEAKER_4** (0:42)
I agree with you. Now, speaking of living the dream, have you ever taken a hiking trip to a beautiful landscape before a night?

**Nigel** (0:50)
Sure, yeah, man. It's just a lot to, you know, nature is beautiful.

**SPEAKER_4** (0:54)
Did you ever encounter any wildlife while you were out there?

**Nigel** (0:58)
Yeah, maybe a black snake, you know, slithering across the path here and there. Nothing too, nothing too bad. Why?

**SPEAKER_4** (1:06)
Dateline Canada, a woman hiking in Canada, had to fend off a grizzly bear that was coming at her and her dog.

**Nigel** (1:15)
I saw this.

**SPEAKER_4** (1:16)
As she was taking a hike.
Now, she had like a GoPro on. So we've got the awesome audio of this Canadian hiker trying to shoo away the grizzly. Allison?

**Allison** (1:30)
No.
Go away.
Hey! No! No! Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop!
No! Hey! Hey! Stop! Stop it! Go away! Go! Hey! Bad! Bad! Hey! Stop!
Get, get, go, go, stop it.

**Nigel** (2:27)
It sounds like, it sounds like Allison when you walk into the producer's booth to yell at her, Hammer.

**SPEAKER_4** (2:36)
I thought you were going to say it sounds like Allison in the unisex bathroom. Either joke would have worked.

**Nigel** (2:42)
Hey, look, if you were to see this footage, I mean, it's a, it ain't no, like, one of the little black bears that come out of the woods. This is a real life grizzly. And I would have been making those types of noises myself. In fact, I would have been doing it while pooping my pants.

**SPEAKER_4** (2:58)
Er, like, there was a.

**Nigel** (2:59)
Yeah, I think I heard a.

**SPEAKER_4** (3:00)
Heard an er out of there. Which, if you're familiar with this program, I think you already know what this brings us to.

**Nigel** (3:09)
I love it.

**SPEAKER_4** (3:09)
Great moments in shooing away bears history. Let's go to the group of photographers that were in Alaska, trying to get some great shots when a bear ran up on their group. Allison.

**Nigel** (3:36)
Sounds like a haunted house when the zombies come out to scare you.

**SPEAKER_4** (3:42)
That sounds like what it's like when our wives take away a beer that we probably didn't need to have at the cookout.

**Allison** (3:48)
Ah!

**SPEAKER_4** (3:50)
Great moments in shooing away bears' history. There are multiple techniques for shooing away a bear.

**Nigel** (3:57)
Is that right?

**SPEAKER_4** (3:57)
You could make the grunting sound, or you could be like this guy that tries to reason with the bear who was stealing from his bird feeder.

**Allison** (4:06)
Stop it right now!

**Hammer** (4:08)
No!

**Allison** (4:08)
Stop it! Down, bear!

**SPEAKER_4** (4:10)
No!

**Hammer** (4:11)
No! No!
No!

**Allison** (4:13)
Down, bear!

**SPEAKER_4** (4:16)
Down! Kind of sound like Tucker Carlson at the end.

**Nigel** (4:24)
That was pretty good.

**SPEAKER_4** (4:25)
Thank you.
Great moments in shooing away bears' history.
This is a teacher, and she uses her teacher voice to scare the bears away from her back deck.

**Hammer** (4:38)
Get down from there.

**Allison** (4:40)
Get down from there. Right now.

**Hammer** (4:42)
Go. Go.

**Allison** (4:43)
Go. Go.

**Hammer** (4:43)
You get down from my porch right now.

**Allison** (4:46)
Go. What do you think you're doing on my porch?
You get down. Go.

**Hammer** (4:50)
How dare you?

**Nigel** (4:54)
It's like me trying to get my cat off the kitchen table. Go on, get.
Gary. Gary, get off the table. Gary. Go on, get.

**SPEAKER_4** (5:03)
And the how dare you. You're playing a guilt trip on the bear. Like the bear supposed to feel bad emotionally.
This is what it sounds like when there's a guy on a hiking trail and he's all alone.

**Allison** (5:18)
Squat. Squat.

**Nigel** (5:25)
Sounds like he's getting choked to death.

**SPEAKER_4** (5:27)
So based on that last guy, we're going to play a little game here before we go to break.