Conspiracy Theories

**Lindsy** (0:17)
Welcome to The Neighbors Don't Need to Know. They might not need to know, but you totally do. So let's meet the family members and find out this week's topic. I'm Lindsy, the mom, sister and artsy chick, riddled with anxiety and self-doubt.

**Riley** (0:33)
And I'm Riley. I cover up crippling insecurities, an inferiority complex, dreadful anxiety, and being a borderline with a ego, a horrible sense of humor, and just genuinely being the best at everything.

**Kelsy** (0:49)
I'm Kelsy. I have one kid, one dog, two cats, 70 plants, and a ton of issues.

**Anthony** (0:56)
I'm Anthony, a Canadian-American mathemagician who uses storytelling to escape real life.

**Jordan** (1:02)
I'm Jordan, your resident dad, brother, uncle, addict, and volleyball husband.

**Lindsy** (1:08)
Dear listeners, our topic this week is what is your favorite conspiracy theory? All righty, fam, let's roll for initiative. Roll for initiative.

**Jordan** (1:20)
Rolling.

**Kelsy** (1:21)
Nine.

**Jordan** (1:22)
Nine.

**Anthony** (1:27)
We will not record the podcast.

**Lindsy** (1:32)
I got a sixteen. Does that mean I go first?

**Anthony** (1:35)
God damn it.

**Kelsy** (1:36)
The nines are going to have to roll off.

**Jordan** (1:38)
Yeah.

**Anthony** (1:39)
Yeah, I got fifteen.

**Lindsy** (1:40)
And then Anthony is next.

**Jordan** (1:42)
Uh-oh. Big roller over here.

**Kelsy** (1:46)
You're rolling again, right, Jordan?

**Jordan** (1:47)
Yeah. Quit jacking off a ghost and throw the dice.

**Kelsy** (1:52)
I got a fourteen.

**Jordan** (1:54)
Yeah, I got a five.

**Lindsy** (1:56)
Okay. So who goes after Anthony?

**Anthony** (1:59)
So Kelsy and then Jordan and then Riley.

**Jordan** (2:02)
That's a fact, Jack.

**Lindsy** (2:04)
All right.

**Kelsy** (2:05)
Anthony, Kelsy, Jordan, Riley.

**Jordan** (2:08)
Well, if your uncle Jack was stuck on a horse, would you help him off?

**Lindsy** (2:12)
Oh, my God, I knew you were going to do that. You just can't resist.

**Jordan** (2:17)
I couldn't. All the words were there. I just had to put them together. Lindsy, you were going to talk. Go ahead.

**Lindsy** (2:23)
Oh, yeah. Well, my conspiracy theory is going to blow your mind.

**Jordan** (2:29)
Did we tell them that that was our topic?

**Anthony** (2:32)
We did.

**Lindsy** (2:32)
Yeah, because we were picking our favorite one because we don't have any favorites.

**Jordan** (2:37)
Oh, I'm sorry. I was very focused on educating myself.

**Lindsy** (2:43)
On your Uncle Jack?

**Anthony** (2:45)
Yeah.

**Jordan** (2:48)
We were helping.

**Anthony** (2:49)
Yeah, this was a joke.

**Lindsy** (2:54)
All right, my friends, I am here to tell you, Finland doesn't actually exist.

**Jordan** (3:01)
Yet the fork.

**Lindsy** (3:03)
Yeah, I'm telling you.

**Riley** (3:04)
I love this one.

**Lindsy** (3:05)
All right. They want you to think that it is a country that's in between Russia and Sweden. It's this nice little area. But during the Cold War, Japan and the Soviet Union, this is the theory, the hypothesis, if you will. The, yes, theory, whatever. During the Cold War era, Japan and the Soviet Union.

**Jordan** (3:32)
Kelsy Hypothesis.

**Lindsy** (3:35)
They work together. They work together to make people think that Finland actually, ah, my god. That Finland actually existed.

**Jordan** (3:47)
Actually existed.

**Kelsy** (3:50)
Yes.

**Lindsy** (3:52)
And this was so, they could fish in that sea because it's right in this perfect little spot that has really great fishing. They wanted to be able to fish there, specifically Japan. They wanted to fish there without environmental complaints or repercussions.

**Jordan** (4:12)
We've all heard about the Finland, Japan, the Japanese connection.

**Lindsy** (4:16)
Exactly.

**Jordan** (4:16)
There's so many Japanese in Finland. Oh, I mean.

**Lindsy** (4:21)
So the theory is that the reason why they did this was to make money on the fish. So they would use the Trans-Siberian railway.

**Jordan** (4:40)
Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

**Lindsy** (4:42)
I knew I was going to say it if I didn't check. The Trans-Siberian railway. They would take the fish from Finland over to Japan and sell it for a lot of money. Now, they do it now under the guise, they say, of transporting Nokia products, which is the largest Finnish company. And the Nokia products go to Japan, which is also Nokia's largest importer, despite hardly anyone in Japan owning a Nokia phone.
Yeah, so-

**Jordan** (5:26)
That's crazy.

**Lindsy** (5:28)
They say that the other countries went along with it at first because, you know, like Japan and Russia were finally getting along and they were like, okay, whatever makes you guys happy. I guess you're finally getting along. But then they kept it going because like Finland became this ideal country that everyone looked up to and wanted to become like them.

**Jordan** (5:50)
It's like the Japanese.