Brighton humble Arsenal, Villa pile more misery on Spurs, and a manic Madrid Derby! | Weekend Review

Taylor Rockwell (0:20)

Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Total Soccer Show. My name is Taylor Rockwell, and I am here to host this weekend review edition of the Total Soccer Show. No Ryan Bailey with us today, but what a weekend it was. A weekend that saw Brighton beat Arsenal 3-0, with baby boy Herzlers men covering more ground in that single game than Manchester United have in all of their Premier League games this season combined. Now that isn't true, but it sort of feels like it could be, and that's fun.

But that 3-0 scoreline was somehow not as bad of a loss as Spurs losing 3-2 to Aston Villa. We are bubbling ever closer towards the eruption of the volcano of rage that exists within Roberto de Zerbi, not since Jack Torrance in The Shining can ever call a man struggling so hard to keep it together, while everyone around him crumbles due to apparent historical curses. This Tottenham team looks short of confidence, while Joe's enduring confidence in Nicholas Jackson was faithfully rewarded.

Speaking of faithfully rewarded, is a thing Atletico supporters will be saying about red cards in a feisty Madrid derby. Jose Mourinho's post-game printed out images would beg to differ. It was a match that featured what I am calling a Giuliano Simeone perfect hat trick. That would be an assist, a penalty earned, and a red card drawn. Joe Lowry, which would you rather have? Giuliano Simeone mark you for an entire match or have Jude Bellingham's knee viciously attack the underside of your foot?

Joe Lowry (1:45)

I think I have to go with the knee. Let's just rip the bandaid off. I'm not going to be one of those people that's going to slowly pull. I'm just jumping in. The water in the pool is too cold. Too bad. I'm not easing my way and let's just get in and get it over with. I think I would rather have that than the pure 90 minutes of pain that I think Giuliano Simeone brought everyone on that sideline. Also, Taylor, we need to do a Taylor Rockwell made up, but could they be true facts corner on these episodes? Because that was tremendous. I love that.

Taylor Rockwell (2:11)

Thank you for that. It's the Stephen Colbert feel facts. They're not facts, but they feel like they might be.

Graham Ruthven, here's a fact. I know a certain someone whose club got a point this weekend. That seems like a game that was incredibly exciting for at least six minutes.

Graham Ruthven (2:27)

Yeah, I mean, we may have been cursed by the same witch doctor that cursed Spurs, because we got a point, which is definitely an improvement on our recent results, Sterling Albion we're talking about here, against top of the table Clyde, and yet somehow we are now further adrift at the bottom of the table because the team above us won, so even that felt like a defeat.

Taylor Rockwell (2:48)

I don't know which I enjoy more, that there's a footballer out there named Lyle, or that there's a football club out there named Clyde, and I think I need one to employ the other, whichever one.

Joe Lowry (2:56)

Is Clive mid-table and Geoferson is more in the lower ridges of the table or what?

Graham Ruthven (3:01)

Now I know why this is funny, Clive is what you heard, Clyde, like the other one through Glasgow.

Joe Lowry (3:05)

Yeah, Clyde is still like a name, like you could still be named Clyde. I feel like you could be, why not?

Graham Ruthven (3:11)

I've never heard that name before, I quite like it, Clyde. You never heard what name?

Clyde. I thought Joe was saying Clive.

Taylor Rockwell (3:17)

Bonnie and Clyde, man, come on. You've heard of it.

Joe Lowry (3:20)

Wyatt are presumably just contending for whatever your version of the European spots are, I think. That's right.

Taylor Rockwell (3:26)

Graham, do I have it right though that it was like a goal in the 19th minute, a goal in the 21st minute, and then a red card in the 25th for your sterling Albion? Yeah, that's quite the moment.

Graham Ruthven (3:36)

I could have gone home after 30 minutes. I mean, the week before that, we were 5-0 down after 30 minutes. That's an improvement. I will take sitting through an hour of nothingness over what happened the week before against Edinburgh City.

Taylor Rockwell (3:47)

It wasn't quite 90 minutes of nothingness, though it might have felt sort of nothingness for Tottenham supporters. We're going to talk about that game in just a moment. First, I will remind everyone that there is a Patreon over on TSS+. We're doing bonus episodes, we're doing some video content, lots of great stuff. Plus, you get access to the Discord, where Ryan informs me, as always, most to all of the cool kids continue to hang out.