Bert Gets Bullied By Lou Reed's Ghost

Tom Segura (0:05)

Welcome to another episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, coming to you from Los Angeles, California. Look at that big smile.

With extra pep in your step today. You came in firing hot, dude.

Bert Kreischer (0:20)

I'm firing real hot today.

Tom Segura (0:22)

Man.

Bert Kreischer (0:23)

Wouldn't it be great if I could just unleash everything that goes on in my head for real?

Tom Segura (0:28)

Yeah, dude.

Bert Kreischer (0:29)

I mean, I think I'm fucking crazy, Tom.

Tom Segura (0:31)

I think we all are a little crazy. I was thinking about that the other day about comedians. I was like, oh, because you go like, that guy's fucking nuts. And then you're like, yeah, but you know, I am too. We just have different versions of crazy that manifest differently. Some people are more outwardly presenting crazy. Some of it just festers inside. It's different versions of crazy.

Bert Kreischer (0:54)

I said something to Leanne the other day that made her laugh. I want everyone to know, I may tell this on stage. So if I choose to tell this on stage, it's because I came up with it, okay? And since I came up with it, I get to tell it here and on stage sometimes, just so everyone, all you dirty fucking...

Anyway, I just don't want to hold back on the podcast and save everything for stage, you know? So I get on the treadmill the other day and I'm at a hotel and I put on Lou Reed. Have you ever listened to Lou Reed, Tom?

Tom Segura (1:30)

I have listened to Lou Reed a little bit, yes.

Bert Kreischer (1:31)

Okay, now, Lou Reed, his early stuff from the 70s is the stuff everyone knows, Sweet Jane and... And that's more like the popular version, but Lou Reed came out with an album, I think it was called New York, in 1989, that my English teacher, Bob Weiner, turned us on to.

Tom Segura (1:52)

The English teacher was just like, you guys gotta check this out.

Bert Kreischer (1:55)

Every day, before class started, he'd play a song from Lou Reed's new album, we'd put our heads on our desk, every day before English, and he would play a Lou Reed song. So I'm very familiar with this album, New York, and it's really wild, and it's fun, and it's crazy, and it's creative, and it's different, and it's Lou Reed. So I get on the treadmill, and I start playing Lou Reed, and I'm jogging, and I'm like, this is great, and then I start talking to Lou Reed. I'm like, dude, I am so grateful that I have you in my life. I'm so grateful that I get to experience your music because it really opens another side of me, and then I hear Lou Reed go, I didn't fucking make this for you.

Like, I was a heroin addict bisexual in the 80s, 70s and 90s in New York City. I have friends die of AIDS. You think I made this for you? It actually makes me sick to my stomach that you enjoy this. You are the epitome in art of what I detest. And I get off the treadmill and I go, fuck this, I'm not gonna let Lou Reed talk to me like this.

Tom Segura (2:56)

That's great self-talk, man.

Bert Kreischer (2:58)

I realize I'm not talking to Lou Reed, I'm talking to myself.

Tom Segura (3:02)

It's pretty good. That's a pretty good one.

Bert Kreischer (3:04)

I was like, I'm gonna listen to someone who likes me and I put on Jelly Roll.

Tom Segura (3:09)

I have to say.

Bert Kreischer (3:11)

I go, Jelly Roll likes me. And so I listen to him jogging.

Tom Segura (3:15)

I have to say, dude, I've done the same thing. I've done the same thing.

Bert Kreischer (3:19)

Why does that happen?

Tom Segura (3:21)

Because what happens is like some of these artists, you know they're like, they're too cool. Like they're just, they're cool.

And they're like, they're up there. They're too much, they're like too sophisticated. And the people that like them like to, you know, espouse the level of connection that they have to it. And then you go, yeah, that guy wouldn't like me. So then you're like, fuck that guy. It's a crazy thought. It's a crazy person thought, but it's bizarrely relatable. It is relatable. Cause you know they wouldn't like you. It's exactly the truth. It's exactly the truth. You have that for like, you know, pretentious artists. Like whether they're songwriters, filmmakers, actors. Sometimes you see like a great performance in something. And then you see that person in an interview and you're like, this guy's like.