#603 Ask the Expert: Vibe and Building Better Connections with Adam Grant

Sarah Ellis (0:00)

Hi, I'm Sarah, and this is the Squiggly Careers Podcast, where every week we borrow some brilliance from a person, a place, something we've read, even an object, and we turn that curiosity into ideas and actions that we hope support you to succeed in your squiggly career.

And this week, we are borrowing brilliance from the one and only Adam Grant. For those of you who've been listening for a while, you will know we are big fans and followers of his work. I particularly admire in Adam his ability to distill the research, his own and other people's research, and communicate that in a way that is useful and compelling. And you can sort of take those ideas and think, well, what does that mean for me? And we're going to be talking about his new book Vibe, which is all about the quality of your connections. Now, the book explores the quality of all of your connections, but obviously I particularly dive in with Adam to how connection impacts our careers and the work that we do, why we should care about it, and practically what can we do to increase our connection? Like, what does that mean day to day in the teams that we're in?

So I hope you enjoy the conversation. I definitely wasn't disappointed. He showed up and gave me all of his energy and insights in a way that I found really inspiring. And I hope you find the conversation useful too. Adam, thank you so much for joining us on the Squiggly Careers podcast. We're delighted to have you.

Adam Grant (1:30)

I love Squiggly Careers.

Sarah Ellis (1:32)

Thank you. We're going to dive straight in if that's okay. As our regular listeners will know, I've dived into the book and I've reread it.

And so I hope, I know you'll be doing lots of conversations about your new book vibe, but I hope we're going to have maybe a different kind of conversation today. Let's see how it goes.

Adam Grant (1:48)

I'm ready.

Sarah Ellis (1:49)

You're ready. Okay. I'm going to go quite deep, quite quickly. So I've picked a standout statement from the book that got lots of underlining from me that I thought we could explore. And you say, a strong vibe develops when you're as interested in seeing their snow globe as you are in displaying yours. And I just thought that was such a useful way of describing maybe what we're trying to achieve here when we're kind of creating connection.

I wonder if you could expand on that for us and perhaps give us some examples of practices and rituals that help us to see other people's snow globe.

Adam Grant (2:30)

Oh, what a fun way to begin. Yes. So the original metaphor comes from the comedian May Martin, who did a hilarious Netflix stand up special.

Sarah Ellis (2:40)

Who I love.

Adam Grant (2:41)

So good. And May has this little bit about how so many of our interactions are just each of us imagining ourselves as having a life that's a snow globe and coming to a show and tell and just being really excited to say, here is my snow globe. Let me show you mine. And it's all about me.

And the other person, meanwhile, is just excited to display their snow globe. And so you end up in this very awkward interaction of people swapping snow globes.

Sarah Ellis (3:13)

Exactly.

Adam Grant (3:13)

No, no, no. But let me tell you about me. No, this is what I have been through. Here is my life. And sociologists have referred to that as conversational narcissism, where we're trying to connect.

Or I'm trying to connect with you. And I tell you that, unfortunately, I just had a really embarrassing moment on stage in front of thousands of people. And you say, oh, I completely know how you feel. Like, I tripped walking across my kitchen yesterday.

And I'm like, wait, wait, I'm sorry. Was there an audience? Like, was it a career-limiting experience for you? Why are we turning this around to you? So I think the alternative to that is to recognize that everybody is carrying a little snow globe around. And if you approach every interaction saying, I would love to know what yours looks like, that I think is a much more meaningful way to show a sincere level of interest, curiosity, a desire to get to know the other person.

So you asked how? I think it depends on what kind of connection you're trying to form. So Sarah, as you know, I like to think about relationships based on this huge body of research in terms of are we connecting as allies, pals, or companions?