467. The psychology of the cab theory

Jemma Sbeg (0:05)

Hello, everybody, I'm Jemma Sbeg and welcome back to The Psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.

Hello, everybody, welcome back to the show, welcome back to the podcast. It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we, of course, break down the psychology of your 20s. Today, we are talking about a theory, a specific theory that says in dating, timing is everything, specifically for men. A theory that basically says who a man ends up with is completely determined by who he happens to be with or who he happens to be dating when he suddenly decides he wants commitment. This theory has a name, it's known as the Taxi Cab Theory. Before I fully explain what it means, I have to give you its pop culture history. If you are a fan of Sex and The City, you already know it, but at various points in my life, I don't know if you guys do this, I like to re-watch certain or re-binge certain TV shows, and I go in these cycles, and last year it was Gimel Girls, then it's The Office, it's New Girl, it's Friends, and these past few months, it's been Sex and The City. I've been on a full binge for the show, all of its faults, all of its incredible wisdom. There is so much in that series that is ridiculous, but also so interesting to explore from a psychological perspective. I remember being 21 and thinking Carrie Bradshaw is the coolest person in the world. She is the most perfect example of emotional insecurity, or emotional unavailability.

It is a series that deserves an entire psychological analysis. But the show, like I said, all its faults, it has some really wise moments. And it has some moments that have influenced an entire generation of people and how they see dating. And the Taxi Cab Theory is probably one of the most famous examples of this. So the Taxi Cab Theory comes from a particular scene where Miranda, one of the characters, essentially says that men are like cabs. When they're available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they're ready to settle down, they're ready to have babies, they're ready to buy a house, and then they turn their light on. And the next woman they pick up or the next person who steps into the cab is the one that they marry. The theory essentially says who you end up with, it's not love, it's not fate, it is timing and convenience, and it is the choice of the man. It's very similar to the idea of right person, wrong time, but kind of more so emphasizes the idea of right time, any person. Now, this was obviously written as a joke, but I think the reason it resonated even decades later is because a lot of us have experienced something that really closely resembles to this. There is a bit of truth in the fun. And I think we've experienced this regardless of gender. You're in a situation ship with somebody for months, maybe even years, and they won't commit. They don't want to label, they don't want to be with you, and you finally break up with them, and then a month later, you hear that they have a long term, or a serious girlfriend, or a serious partner. Your last partner refuses to move in with you or isn't sure about kids, and then the relationship ends, you go your separate ways, and with the next person, they are suddenly sure, they suddenly know they want all the things they didn't want with you. This person who was never ready for you, seemingly changes overnight and becomes everything you wanted them to be for the next person. It's devastating. It's really sad. I have a friend who was experiencing this right now. She spent eight years of her life with someone, and he never wanted kids. She did. They broke up, and literally last week, that was like a year ago, last week she gets a text from a mutual friend that, he's going to be a dad, he's going to have a kid. And it's like the breakup is how she described it. It's like it's back to square one. That whole year of healing is kind of out of the window.

That's the taxicab theory.

That's what it kind of says, men choose when they're ready. Is that actually true? I want to look at some of the psychological evidence or the science behind this experience.

Is there something in a man's brain that suddenly switches on at some stage in their life, meaning that they're just going to make it work with whoever comes next? Like is it biology? Is it the right person? Is it the social clock? Is it social conditioning? I've read so many papers on this. I've done the deep diving into the scientific research for you guys. And today I can reveal the truth about the taxicab theory. Is it true or false? Without further ado, let's get into it.