#386 - Clocking Bisexuality with Evan Mulrooney

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom.

For 125 years, Nordstrom has been part of your story. The stylist who found the perfect outfit for your big interview. The first pair of walking shoes for your one-year-old. The tomato soup you shared with your sister at the cafe. These are the moments that make Nordstrom, Nordstrom. Big or small, we're here for all of it. Celebrating 125 years with new moments still ahead. Discover it all in Nordstrom stores and at nordstrom.com.

SPEAKER_2 (0:31)

Welcome back, frickin frack.

John (0:33)

Welcome to the jungle.

SPEAKER_4 (0:34)

ABC Wednesday.

Rachel Scanlon (0:37)

Abbott is back. It's gonna be the best year yet. Thank you.

John (0:40)

Now we can finally turn this up.

SPEAKER_6 (0:45)

And everyone's going wild.

SPEAKER_7 (0:46)

Y'all think you run this school, but you don't. It's going great.

SPEAKER_6 (0:50)

Abbott Elementary.

Evan Mulrooney (0:51)

Anything can happen in the jungle, right guys?

Rachel Scanlon (0:55)

Season premiere, Wednesday on ABC and stream next day on Hulu.

McKenzie Goodwin (1:38)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Two Dykes And A Mic. I'm McKenzie Goodwin.

Rachel Scanlon (1:42)

And I'm Rachel Scanlon-A-Lee. We are so glad that you are here. We have such an exciting episode today with a huge beefy guest.

McKenzie Goodwin (1:47)

We do.

Rachel Scanlon (1:48)

Yes.

McKenzie Goodwin (1:48)

I'm so excited to have Evan on.

Rachel Scanlon (1:49)

Me too.

McKenzie Goodwin (1:50)

This is gonna be so much fun.

Rachel Scanlon (1:51)

Oh, yeah.

McKenzie Goodwin (1:53)

But before we get into it.

Rachel Scanlon (1:54)

I hope he crushes me. Like, do you know when you're drinking a can of beer?

McKenzie Goodwin (1:58)

And they go, that. I would be honored to be crushed by him.

John (2:03)

Mm-hmm, like a PBR.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:05)

How much do you think he weighs?

Rachel Scanlon (2:07)

Not more than me.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:08)

I don't know men's weights.

Rachel Scanlon (2:09)

Me neither.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:09)

When men are like, he's like-

Rachel Scanlon (2:11)

220

McKenzie Goodwin (2:12)

Yeah, I'm like, what does that even mean? Men love to know what other men weigh.

Rachel Scanlon (2:15)

Let's ask him how much he weighs.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:17)

And how much he thinks we weigh.

Rachel Scanlon (2:18)

Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:19)

Like a carnival. You know what? Other hosts wouldn't do that.

Rachel Scanlon (2:21)

No. But we don't care. Then I'm going to tape an apple to the top of my head and see if you can shoot it with an arrow.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:27)

I actually love it.

Rachel Scanlon (2:27)

I don't know.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:28)

Yeah, why not? We turned into the Ren Fair.

Rachel Scanlon (2:30)

I put my tits up.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:31)

I say pet me.

Rachel Scanlon (2:32)

Did you say pet me?

McKenzie Goodwin (2:33)

Yeah.

Rachel Scanlon (2:33)

Pet me?

McKenzie Goodwin (2:34)

Pet.

Rachel Scanlon (2:35)

Like pet? Incredible.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:36)

Haven't you ever been to a state fair where they have like a petting zoo area?

Rachel Scanlon (2:39)

Yes, of course. Yeah, I've touched a sheep before, bitch.

Oh, I've touched a sheep before. I'm bringing Bumble to the state fair.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:46)

I love the state fair.

Rachel Scanlon (2:48)

Dude.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:48)

I actually think there's nothing hornier than the state fair.

Rachel Scanlon (2:50)

Okay.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:51)

People are fucking after the state fair.

Rachel Scanlon (2:52)

I agree. I want you to know. They're full, but they get the job darned.

McKenzie Goodwin (2:55)

Sure. It's a lot of Indian fry bread, but you're going home and you're railed.

Rachel Scanlon (3:00)

I'll say this.

McKenzie Goodwin (3:00)

Here's what I'll say.

Rachel Scanlon (3:01)

I don't know if you know this, but at the Minnesota state fair, there are giant heads of butter carved into women's heads. Did you know that?

McKenzie Goodwin (3:10)

Giant butter carved into women's heads.

Rachel Scanlon (3:13)

Bingo.

McKenzie Goodwin (3:14)

Yes. Okay. Yes, butter carving.

Rachel Scanlon (3:16)

Yes. You're familiar.

McKenzie Goodwin (3:17)

I've seen that. I remember when I used to go to the state fair, it would be like you pay 25 cents and you get to see a two-headed alligator.

Rachel Scanlon (3:23)

I like that.

McKenzie Goodwin (3:24)

Yeah.

Rachel Scanlon (3:25)

That sounds more like a freak show than I thought, but hell yeah.

McKenzie Goodwin (3:28)

But that is what they used to do. Did you not? An albino alligator?

Rachel Scanlon (3:31)

Yeah. I feel like that-

McKenzie Goodwin (3:32)

It was a little more expensive.

Rachel Scanlon (3:33)

Is it maybe more-

McKenzie Goodwin (3:34)