Will the Best Bible Please Stand Up?

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

Hello everyone, Stakuya here.

Dan McClellan (0:02)

And I'm Gabby.

SPEAKER_1 (0:03)

And we are the hosts of History of Everything, a podcast which you can probably guess by the name is, well, I mean, it's about everything. Do you want to know why people thought potatoes were evil and would give you syphilis? Are you curious about all the stories of the terrible and stupid ways that people have kicked the bucket over the years?

Do you want to hear tales about all of the different badasses of history and the lives that they had brought to life?

Well, if so, then look no further. History of Everything is just the right podcast for you. It's available on Spotify, Pandora, and anywhere else that you get your podcast from. Join us for some fun and just see how weird and wacky history can be.

Dan McClellan (0:39)

And you can go visit the cave in Bethlehem where he spent 30 years translating his Vulgate.

Dan Beecher (0:51)

These dudes and their caves.

Dan McClellan (0:54)

Caves were a big deal back then.

Dan Beecher (0:55)

You've got to get yourself a cave, you want to do some good work, get a cave.

Dan McClellan (0:59)

Very cool in the summer, but they could get pretty drafty in the winter. Hey everybody, I'm Dan McClellan.

Dan Beecher (1:08)

And I'm Dan Beecher.

Dan McClellan (1:10)

And this is the Data Over Dogma podcast where we try to increase public access to the academic study of the Bible and religion and combat misinformation about the Bible and religion. Other Dan, how are you?

Dan Beecher (1:23)

I'm doing well, man. I'm excited about this episode. It's one of those ones where people have been clamoring for it.

Hopefully you'll get some useful information, though you may not get the answer that you're desperately looking for. We're talking about Bible translations this week.

Dan McClellan (1:46)

Or translations of the Bible, whatever your preference. We're going to talk about those.

Dan Beecher (1:53)

And not just translations either, versions. We're going to talk about all the things.

Dan McClellan (1:57)

There's going to be some discussion of a versional discussion, yeah.

Dan Beecher (2:03)

We're going to sacrifice a version on the altar.

Dan McClellan (2:05)

Did you ever see Monster Squad? You remember that movie?

Dan Beecher (2:11)

No, I don't think I did.

Dan McClellan (2:12)

Hilarious movie. You better check out Monster Squad.

But they've got to find a virgin to read this Latin in order to get this spell to work, to send these monsters back to their realm.

Dan Beecher (2:25)

As you do.

Dan McClellan (2:26)

As you do. And they're trying to figure out if they know any virgins. And one of them's sister, they're like, they're trying to figure out a good way to ask this.

They don't go about it very well. And then it turns out she was lying. She's like, they were like, I thought you said you were a virgin. And she's like, well, once with Todd, but that doesn't count. Doesn't count.

And then they get a little, their five-year-old sister to do it instead. And she sends the Monsters back. But it's-

Dan Beecher (2:57)

Well, that's for the best.

Dan McClellan (2:59)

Yeah. But if you ever hear somebody say, Wolfman's got nards, that is from Monster Squad. So anyway, that is beside the point. We're going to be talking about translations of the Bible. But one of the most common questions I get on social media, I don't know about you, Dan, but one of the most common questions I get is, what is the best translation of the Bible?

And hopefully, after this episode of the Data Over Dogma podcast, you will never want to ask that question again.

Dan Beecher (3:26)

No.

Dan McClellan (3:26)

Because you don't want to know-

Dan Beecher (3:28)

You will be more confused.

Dan McClellan (3:28)

Yes. You don't want to know the answer.

Dan Beecher (3:32)

You'll leave more confused than you went in, but edified and educated. And that's what we're here for.

Dan McClellan (3:39)

Your edification. What? Oh, gosh.

Dan Beecher (3:43)

No, I think you got it. I think you nailed it.

Dan McClellan (3:45)

I'm going to move on.

Dan Beecher (3:47)

So, all right, Dan. Let's just launch into this. Let's do it.

Let's talk first about where this all comes from, because what we're getting to eventually is English translations of a compiled group of books that we now call the Bible. But that's not where it started.

Dan McClellan (4:14)

It's not where it started.

Dan Beecher (4:16)

So take us back all the way to the earliest translations of the Bible.