Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)

**Lenny Rachitsky** (0:00)
You were famously the first PM at Slack, and then you ended up transitioning into executive coaching.

**Kenneth Berger** (0:05)
For me, the impact was about making this work sustainable, so that we're not burning out or selling out, but actually able to pursue these hard goals that we have in startups.

**Lenny Rachitsky** (0:14)
What we're gonna be talking about today is your personal magnum opus, the output of 10 plus years as a founder and operator and seven plus years as a coach. The core idea is ask for what you want.

**Kenneth Berger** (0:25)
Turns out when you actually ask for what you want out loud, you're much more likely to get it. You're hired.

**Lenny Rachitsky** (0:31)
How do you know that this is something you need to be working on?

**Kenneth Berger** (0:34)
If you're more in the people pleasing camp, maybe you're used to not asking at all. You're hoping that people are reading your mind. And if you're sort of more in the control freak camp, maybe you're used to ordering people around and saying, go do this now.

**Lenny Rachitsky** (0:44)
How do you know what you want?

**Kenneth Berger** (0:46)
Complaints are great inspiration. Every complaint implies a dream. Let me envision a better future. Let me think about what's an effective way to actually move towards that. See what it's like to not be sort of living in fear all the time.

**Lenny Rachitsky** (1:01)
Today, my guest is Kenneth Berger. Kenneth coaches startup leaders to help them avoid burnout and live the life that they want. He was the first product manager at Slack and spent over 10 years in tech before transitioning into coaching. His core focus with leaders is to help them learn how to ask for what they want. This sounds really simple, but as you'll hear in our chat, this one skill is at the core of so many of the struggles that people have in their career and in their life. Kenneth shares a ton of very tactical advice to help you figure out what it is you want, how to overcome the resistance that comes with asking for what you want, how to actually ask for what you want effectively, why the most important step is hearing the response that you get when you ask for what you want, and all of the things that will change in your life if you get better at this one skill. Kenneth also shares the story of him being fired three times from Slack, which is hilarious. With that, I bring you Kenneth Berger after a short word from our sponsors. And if you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to subscribe and follow it in your favorite podcasting app or YouTube. It's the best way to avoid missing future episodes, and it helps the podcast tremendously.
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