Why Most Relationships Fail (And How to Break the Cycle) — Yung Pueblo

Diego Perez (0:00)

When you get into a relationship, you are going to see everything you're good at and everything you're not good at. And it's going to be devastatingly clear. You kind of have to embrace the journey.

Michael Gervais (0:08)

What are the three things that you need to know to love better?

Diego Perez (0:11)

I think if you feel like you're in a rut, especially within yourself and your relationship, you need to figure out a way to break the pattern. And I think in the act of doing something new, you can see yourself a little bit differently and see hopefully the thing that you've been ignoring that you know you probably should do.

Michael Gervais (0:26)

Welcome back or welcome to the Finding Mastery Podcast, where we dive into the minds of the world's greatest thinkers and doers. I am your host, Dr. Michael Gervais, by trade and training a high-performance psychologist. Now, the idea behind these conversations is simple, to sit with the extraordinaries and to learn, to really learn about how they work from the inside out.

Diego Perez (0:46)

So the key to solving any argument is a very specific type of compassion where you can step outside of your perspective to see the perspective of another person.

Michael Gervais (0:54)

Diego Perez, known as the pen name Yung Pueblo, is a meditator, best-selling author, and modern-day wisdom teacher whose work is grounded in lived experience. In this conversation, he opens up about hitting rock bottom and the journey of rebuilding his life from the inside out.

Diego Perez (1:11)

When I got to college, I started just using drugs and alcohol as a way to get away from myself as fast as possible, but I was also slowly killing myself.

Michael Gervais (1:24)

We explore what the work really looks like, and how emotional strength is built through repetition and honesty.

Diego Perez (1:29)

When you start really paying attention to your emotional history, there's going to be a lot of things in there that you like and that you don't like. So moving into that with self-acceptance feels really important.

Michael Gervais (1:39)

As you listen, the invitation here is to reflect on your own patterns. What are the things that you need to let go of, and what are the things you need to learn? Now with that, let's jump into this week's conversation with Yung Pueblo.

All right, Yung Pueblo. Can I call you Diego?

Diego Perez (2:00)

Diego's just fine.

Michael Gervais (2:02)

I know you as Yung Pueblo. I've studied your work. I've been a student of your writings, your poetry, like how you communicate. It's beautiful.

Diego Perez (2:12)

Thank you, thank you. It's an honor to be here. I've been looking forward to this because I've been watching your clips. I've been watching what you've been giving to the internet, and it's been wonderful. So I've been looking forward to this moment.

Michael Gervais (2:23)

Am I feeding the beast, the monster, or are we creating a nice little corner of positivity?

Diego Perez (2:30)

You're giving me moments of deeper thought. So I'm appreciating that. That's good.

Michael Gervais (2:34)

Coming from you. And I do want to celebrate your book, the title, How to Love Better. The number of times that you say love is, is cool. So I'd love to start a little bit with just your high note on what love is. And I think it's almost an unfair question because of how dimensional.

Diego Perez (2:53)

Yeah.

Michael Gervais (2:53)

You've captured love and, and then you, but you've been extraordinarily concrete on ways to build the way that we love.

Diego Perez (3:03)

That's right.

Michael Gervais (3:04)

Self and other. And so I'm looking forward to all that. So maybe before I ask you this big question about love is, can we go back and like understand how you got here? Right.

Diego Perez (3:16)

Like, okay.

Michael Gervais (3:16)

So what do I need to understand to know you?

Diego Perez (3:21)

So I could think to first understand I was really far away from love, especially from loving myself. I felt like a foreigner in my own body.

Michael Gervais (3:31)

How old were we talking about?

Diego Perez (3:33)

I think from probably from like 13 to 23 when I hit rock bottom. It was a time where I was so just lost. Like I didn't know why I was feeling what I was feeling. And now when I look back on it, I can see that, you know, I was originally born in Ecuador. My family immigrated to the United States when I was about four years old. When when we got here, it was challenging because we were stuck in this poverty trap. My mom, she cleaned houses. My dad worked in a supermarket. And it was honestly just a constant struggle where they were trying to figure out how to pay for the rent.