Why Is Everyone Acting Like A Victim? - Rob Henderson - #713

**Chris Williamson** (0:00)
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. My guest today is Rob Henderson. He's a PhD candidate at the University of Cambridge, a US Air Force veteran and an author. Humans are an odd species. We know truths on our own, but choose to lie in groups. Our thinking gets hijacked by social norms, paths of least resistance, lies, and half-truths. It's a mess out there, but thankfully, there's ideas that we can discover to help us navigate. Expect to learn what the friendship paradox is, how we can fix the mate deprivation problem, what green flags most women look for in men, the relationship between social media and hostility, why people reason more wisely about others' problems rather than their own, what Rob's thoughts are on the most recent wave of the body positivity movement, and much more. This episode is brought to you by Marek Health. If you've been thinking that you want to get your blood work done but you don't know where to start, this is the company that I use, and they are the best and most comprehensive that I have ever found. Health optimization is a common phrase in the fitness space. The issue is that it's incredibly individualized. For one person, it could be lifestyle changes, over-the-counter supplementation, or you might need hormone optimization to look and feel better. Whether you're looking to know where your blood markers are, or to receive treatment forms like HRT, TRT, sexual health medication, hair loss treatment, or anything else, Marek Health is the place to go. If you've not been performing in the gym or in the bedroom in the way that you would like, this is a fantastic place to begin. Head to marekhealth.com/modernwisdom and use the code modern wisdom at checkout to get 10% off your blood tests. That's M-A-R-E-K health.com/modernwisdom and modern wisdom at checkout. This episode is brought to you by MyProtein. They're the number one sports supplement company on the planet with over 12 million customers. You need more protein in your life. You probably need some creatine. You need a steel shaker. Stop using plastic bottles and having estrogens leak into your water. All of this can be fixed by going to MyProtein. They ship internationally and they have some of my favorite and best tasting protein supplements. Their layered protein bars are one of the best protein snacks that I've ever tried and their clear whey protein is a complete game changer. So if you're looking to make an upgrade to your health and fitness, this is the place to go with global shipping and up to 37% off everything site wide by going to bit.ly slash protein wisdom. That's my super secret product page that has everything I use and recommend and then use the code Modern Wisdom at checkout for that maximum discount that is at least 37% off everything. bit.ly slash protein wisdom and Modern Wisdom at checkout. Recently, I went and got a gut microbiome analysis and one of the products that they suggested I start using was a Colostrum product. The brand they recommended was Armra. So, I actually decided to partner with them. I've started drinking it with a cold glass of water on a daily basis and it improves my gut health. That's really important for me. I'm kind of focusing on gut health at the moment. And Armra's Colostrum product is literally what my doctor suggested that I should get. Unlike most Colostrums, Armra leverages their proprietary process that guarantees the highest potency and bioavailability of any Colostrum available on the market. They've got thousands upon thousands of five-star reviews, offer a 30-day return policy, and you can get 15% off your first order by going to tryarmra.com/modernwisdom and using the code MODERNWISDOM at checkout. That's tryarmra.com/modernwisdom and modern wisdom at checkout. But now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Rob Henderson.
What is the friendship paradox?

**Rob Henderson** (4:05)
The friendship paradox is this phenomenon in which your friends have more friends than you do. Your sex partners have more sex partners than you do. Your Twitter followers have more, or ex, your ex-followers have more followers than you do. And it's a paradox because it seemingly doesn't make sense. How can your friends have more friends than you on average? And many of your listeners, especially, I think will be familiar with this sort of Pareto phenomena that a disproportionate number of awards go to a small number of people, a disproportionate amount of money goes to a small percentage of people as well. But this also works in the social realm. So the example that I gave in a recent Substack post is to imagine you have, keep it easy, you have 10 friends, and three of your friends are kind of like you, just kind of an average person with an average social life. You have three friends who are shut-ins, who maybe don't go out that much, but you have another friend who is a super connector, and has 100 or 150, or maybe even 1,000 friends. I mean, some people who are just sort of very social, super extroverted in that 99th percentile. So when you average this across all 10 of your friends, they may have, on average, 20 plus friends while you have 10 So at first glance, it doesn't make sense, but then when you break it down mathematically, it does, and this is why there's that paradox. Then same with sex partners. Maybe you've had five or 10 or 20 sex partners, but one of those people may have had 100 plus, and so when you average that out, your sex partners have had more sex partners than you. And then same with Twitter followers. Maybe one of your followers has a million plus while you have 10,000 or something. Average that out, then that's still. Shakes out in the same way. The example that I also gave in that essay is, when Warren Buffett walks into an auditorium, everyone becomes a millionaire, on average. And it's the same kind of idea here.