Why Does Everyone Treat Being Single Like A Problem?

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

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Dr. Naomi Bernstein (0:30)

Now, what happens is the single person's life is like up for discussion. I'm going to give you my phone.

You're going to swipe through all my people. I'm going to come home.

Jordana Abraham (0:39)

Single person has a problem to be solved.

Dr. Naomi Bernstein (0:41)

Right. People that are in relationships. It's kind of like everything's held closer to the best.

Jordana Abraham (0:49)

A quick note before we get into the episode. Oversharing is a podcast for entertainment purposes only. It is not a medical podcast and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or mental health professional. Hello and welcome back to Oversharing. I'm Jordana Abraham.

Dr. Naomi Bernstein (1:07)

And I am Dr. Naomi Bernstein.

Jordana Abraham (1:10)

How is it going? It's been a very rainy weekend here in New York.

So I've been doing some internet perusing. Okay.

Dr. Naomi Bernstein (1:20)

Anything interesting?

Jordana Abraham (1:22)

You know, it's funny the content that I'm being fed, but also part of my interest is obviously dating and relationship content. And I've come across two opinion pieces that I was interested in your take on, because I know you talk to a lot of patients who are single and looking, and just that topic, I'm sure, comes up for you a lot, not in your personal life, but in your professional life. So one of the articles was basically saying, proposing that people move places geographically all the time for work, like the better job market, like better opportunities, better things, but no one really, or at least no one explicitly says, I think, that they move for a better dating market.

Dr. Naomi Bernstein (2:13)

Right.

Jordana Abraham (2:14)

And there are states or places where people do, let's say, like want to settle down earlier in certain, like, you know, less, maybe less metropolitan areas where people want to get married young, more and more people want to get married young, more people want to, you know, it's more typical to start a family or get married at like 25, 26, than like maybe New York City, where the average might be closer to 35 and start, you know, people are a lot, I think more women over 40 are having babies than ever.

Dr. Naomi Bernstein (2:45)

Right.

Jordana Abraham (2:46)

Especially around those metropolitan cities. So I think, so this article was like advocating for sort of moving to areas because of the dating market, just the same way you would for a job market.

Dr. Naomi Bernstein (3:01)

I like it in theory, but if you're like most people, I don't know if someone would move for a job market or they would move for a job. A job that you have already secured, you know.

It's almost like, I think people, if they felt like, okay, I'm gonna move for a dating pool and there's a 95% chance that this is actually gonna work, I think people would do it. Really? But there's, it's still such a crapshoot.

Jordana Abraham (3:32)

Or for a person that they were dating.

Dr. Naomi Bernstein (3:36)

Maybe in a, yes, dating, but not like in a serious relationship. And like, I kind of did that. I kind of moved ish. Granted, my family was in New York, but I kind of moved back to New York because I was dating Jeff and we were starting to really like each other. You know, I'm a big advocate of that, you know, cause I think it is so hard to find someone that you have the right chemistry with, and you have the right chemistry at the right time, like you're saying when you're ready to commit, cause that is part of the secret sauce. You have to have the right chemistry at the right time. You can have amazing chemistry with someone, but one person is like, yeah, I'd like to kind of play the field for a few more years.

Jordana Abraham (4:22)

Right.

Dr. Naomi Bernstein (4:23)

Which could happen in a city like New York, where you're like, oh my gosh, you're amazing. I really like you, but I'm 25