Who Are You, Really? Identity, Codependency & Inner Dragons | AMA Vol. 16 with Dr. Michael Gervais

Michael Gervais (0:01)

The reason people change is because of pain, and the reason we grow is because we get uncomfortable. We live in a culture that is obsessed with performance. The most powerful people, they're working from the inside out. They decide how they're going to do their life, independent of the external conditions. I think we need boundaries. The first thing would be if you can square up with your identity, it's not what you do, it's rather who you are.

Welcome back, or welcome to another Ask Me Anything on Finding Mastery. I'm your host, Dr. Michael Gervais, by trade and training a high-performance psychologist. And the purpose behind these conversations, behind these AMAs, is to hear from you, to explore the topics and questions that you've been wrestling with on your path to becoming. It is your insights and questions that fuel these epic conversations. Our co-host, O'Neil Sespedes, is back to guide us through another fun and insightful discussion.

In this conversation, we explore a variety of compelling themes like infusing joy into the mundane aspects of life, understanding people-pleasing and codependency, how to remain true to oneself while navigating societal pressures, what makes a strong support system, embodying the noble warrior, balancing strength with kindness and vulnerability, and so much more. My hope is that you walk away with some insights about how to navigate life's challenges with grace, with strength and authenticity, and how to find just a little bit more joy more often in your days.

So with that, let's dive right into Vol. 16 of Finding Mastery's Ask Me Anything. O'Neill, we're back.

O'Neil Cespedes (1:47)

Dr. Mike, we are back.

Michael Gervais (1:49)

I know.

I feel great. Like, I needed the rest. I needed some recovery. I've got a fire in my belly about kind of what's coming next. And so for many years in a row, three years in a row, my year of idea was to, I take one idea and the team at Finding Mastery do it, and I do it with a bunch of my clients or teams I'm working with, is what is your intention for the year?

And so for three years in a row, it was the same thing, roots and reach. So to be grounded and to work on sharing ideas to my best abilities, so roots and reach. And then the last three years for me have been the same thing again. So there's a pattern here, like I'm not getting exactly what I want from year one, so I need to rinse and repeat and rinse. I like to think that I could just hit it once and like, I get the lesson, or I rose to that version of me. But this year is what it was the last two years, which was play. The year of play. So I just need a little more play. I'm pretty intense. I'm serious. I don't like to take myself seriously, but I take what I do seriously. And so I need more panda.

I need a little bit more play. I need top of the food chain, badass in so many ways, pandas, as we've talked about before. And like, so it's year of play again for me.

O'Neil Cespedes (3:15)

So I play too much. That's probably my problem. But listening, you say that you wanted a year of play, you know, just reinforces me playing even more. So thank you for that.

Because I want to keep playing.

I think the year of intention for me is I think I definitely need to get a little more serious. Just a little more, not that much. I need to get just a little more serious because I think I take too many things lightly. So, you know, so I've been told at least.

Michael Gervais (3:45)

So you've been told.

O'Neil Cespedes (3:45)

But those people could be wrong.

Michael Gervais (3:47)

Well, let's see how that shows up in what we're doing today. What have you been up to?

O'Neil Cespedes (3:52)

You really want to know?

I'm obsessed with mundane things. So I'm glad you asked. I'm going to share something with you. Is that cool? Can I share something with everybody? Of course. So I go through these phases, right?

And now I'm through, I'm going through this phase where I want a uniform. There's a certain thing that I want to wear, that I want to wear. There's a certain, you know, thermal that I, I'm wearing thermal right now that I like to wear. I wear it with everything and I buy them in droves. I just keep buying them, but they're hard to find. So, I got online. This might be boring to people, but just bear with me. I got online and I found the thermal, but just not any thermal, right? You have to get the heavy fabric and thread and whatnot, because it's a lighter one. There's two different versions, right? You mean, I've known that, you know?