What Are The Hidden Attachments Running Your Life | John R. Miles - EP 783

**John R. Miles** (0:00)
Coming up next on Passion Struck. We often think our lives are shaped by the people we're attached to, but the deeper truth is that our lives are shaped by the identities, the beliefs, and the protective strategies that we attach to ourselves long before we ever knew we had a choice, because the version of you that learned how to survive your past is not necessarily the version of you that is meant to lead your life. Today, we're exploring the hidden attachments running your life and how you can finally choose who you want to become. Welcome to Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Miles. This is the show where we explore the art of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters. Each week, I sit down with change makers, creators, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode the human experience and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression of who we're capable of becoming. Whether you're designing your future developing as a leader, we're seeking deeper alignment in your life. This show is your invitation to grow with purpose. And act with intention, because the secret to a life of deep purpose, connection, and impact is choosing to live like you matter.
Welcome back to Passion Strapping and welcome to episode seven hundred and eighty three. Over the past month, we've been exploring a defining challenge of modern life, this deep pervasive sense of disconnection. This goes far beyond a disconnection from our technology or our institutions. It's a disconnection from one another and increasingly from our own inner lives. This week, therapist Katie Morton helped us to understand the root cause of why we repeat the exact same, painful emotional patterns, and yesterday Adam Lane Smith showed us precisely where many of those relational blueprints begin in our early family dynamics. Today, I want to go one step further, because simply understanding where your patterns came from isn't enough to change the trajectory of your life. The real question we have to confront today is much larger. Which of those patterns are still running your life right now? Before we dive in. If this series is giving you the language to understand your own experiences with connection and belonging, please share it with someone who might benefit from hearing it today. Taking a moment to leave a rating or review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify is one of the most powerful ways you can support our mission to help people live intentional lives. Make sure you're subscribed on YouTube so you never miss a step in this journey, and you can download the Companion workbook for this episode right now at my substack at the ignitedlife dot net. Beneath nearly every human pursuit lies the exact same question do I matter? Let's look inside the backpack to find out how we answer it. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to criting and intend life that matters. Now let that journey begin.
Think about how you and I learned to make sense of the world when we were kids. If you want to know why we're still carrying all this hidden baggage, that's exactly where it starts. The reality is when you're young, you just don't have the tools to understand the hidden storms the adults around you are walking through. A child doesn't look at a distant, completely checked out parent and say, you know what, my parents are under immense financial pressure and they're just burning out from their corporate careers. A kid can't comprehend that. Instead, they look at that cold distance, turn it completely inward, and ask a simpler, heartbreaking question, what is wrong with me?
And because a child can't change the adults who control their world, they do the only thing they have the power to do. They change themselves to bring some kind of stability to a world that feels completely unpredictable. A child's brain writes a silent script just to stay safe and get noticed. If love feels like it only shows up when you perform or stay perfectly quiet, you internalize that as a rule. You pack that heavy strategy right into your backpack, deciding right then and there that if you're completely flawless, if you never ask a single soul for help, or if you just keep yourself entirely invisible, you will finally be safe from the pain of being rejected. We carry those early adaptations straight into our adult lives on complete autopilot. And the real tragedy is that so many of us spend our entire adult lives protecting a version of ourselves that a frightened child invented. Because here's what most people never realize. We don't look back at our past. Clearly, we live through adaptations are past installed.