Usama Siddique: A Joke About Parents Who Whooped Your Ass

**Usama Siddique** (0:05)
My mom is here too, old school Bengali lady. Love her, love her. Still, still woof my ass to this day. Clap it up, parents with your ass growing up, clap it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Minorities clapping, white people. You mean like timeouts? I mean, I was in my room a lot. Does that count? Okay, your mom whooped your ass, but like my mom whooped my spirit. Okay, so my mom whooped me every day. Every day, I was actually born white. All this is just bruises.
And I love her, but she crazy. Like once time, I just left my socks on the floor. She's like, hey, Sama, don't leave your socks on the floor. I never should have had you.
In one sentence, she went from socks to abortion. That's a cold bitch. But it was funny, you know, no English on her. You know, one time, she was trying to beat me. I got so mad, I was like, Mom, you can't. Swear to God, she was like, don't tell me what I can't do.
Do I care she whooped me? No. My mom would whoop me and then feed me Bengali Indian food afterwards. Y'all know. Indian food. Indian food is so good.
Indian food is so good, it kind of undoes child abuse, right? My mom would hit me. I'd be like, yo, fuck you, mom. Have one bite of her chicken curry, be like, she never should have had me. I get it. That's why I feel bad for white people who got beat, because their cuisine also sucks. Can you imagine getting hit by your dad and having green bean casserole? Like, huh?
One bite of green bean casserole, you're like, dad, just molest me again. Jesus Christ. Usama Siddique in Funny AF with Kevin Hart. Only on Netflix.