Trevor Noah: A Joke About Being Undateable

**Trevor Noah** (0:06)
My therapist told me that I am undateable.
I was in a session and she just turned to me and she said, Trevor, I think it is because you are undateable. I was like, huh, I guess you also didn't like the Grammys.
She told me this at the end of a session, which I feel like should be legal, right? Well, like, therapists will drop a bomb on you at the end of a session, and then just expect you to wait, it'll just be like, yeah, and that's why your father could never love you. And you're like, what? Oh, yeah, we've run out of time. I'll see you next. No, no, next video, next video. I don't want to wait a week. I want Netflix therapy, not HBO.
I had to wait two weeks, and then in my next session, I was like, where were we? Let's go into it. It was like, yeah, skip recap, skip recap. Let's go, let's go, let's go. And she was like, well, you know, Trevor, I was thinking about, you know, you and relationships, and when we're talking about, we're talking about my inability to be in a long-term relationship, and I was trying to understand why, and we're delving into it. And she said, I think it's because you are undateable. And then she broke it down for me. She said, there are a few reasons. I think you work too much. I know you love your work, but you work too much, and that doesn't create a good balance in your life. She said, also, you travel too much, and being in the same place is crucial for building a solid relationship. But I'll be honest with you, those things are really just the side dish. The main course and the real issue I have is, as my therapist put it, I have an inability to not say what is in my head.
And she taught me that one of the keys to a long successful relationship is knowing when to think and when to speak. Yeah.
And I was like, I don't have that problem. I'm a good communicator. I was like, no, Trevor, you, often times, you have thoughts and you immediately say them. You just have the thought and it comes out your mouth. And Trump was like, tell him, girl.
And I was like, I don't know, I don't think I have that as a problem. I think it's probably something. She's like, no, no, no, I've got notes, hold on, I've got some notes. And she pulled out the notes, and she's like, let's go through some examples. And there was one example that really, yeah, she was right. It happened with an ex-girlfriend of mine. It was the fracture that led to the end of the relationship, really. It wasn't the moment, but that fracture caused the outcome. We were getting ready for bed. It was an innocuous night, brushing our teeth, getting into the covers. And then before we turned off the lights, we started talking to each other, and we got really cozy. You know those moments where you're with the person you love, and you just find yourself in the rabbit hole of stories you've never told and feelings you've never shared, and you're laughing, and you can feel you're falling more in love. And we're lying there on the pillows, you know, looking at each other, and she's there staring at me. And all of a sudden, she's like, hey, can I ask you a question? I was like, yeah. Yeah, of course. She's like, if you could change one thing about me, what would you change?
Now, I have since learned that there is a correct answer to this question.
And yes, one correct answer. Regardless of how unique your relationship is, if you want to win this game show question, the answer you give, if she says to you, if there's a woman in your life and she says, if there's one thing you could change about me, what would you change? The correct answer is nothing. Aha, yes, I wish you were all there with me that night. Yes. The correct answer is nothing. You say nothing, babe. I would change nothing about you, because everything you are makes you perfect for me. If anything, can I be honest? I would change myself.
I would change myself, so that I would be better able to receive the love that you so freely give. That is what I would change.
That's the unabridged answer, should you wish to use it. Yeah. That is not the answer I gave. Nope. I said what was in my head. She looked at me, she said, if you could change one thing about me, what would you change? And I was like, oh, one thing.