Travis Kelce, OnlyFans & New York Chaos - Sam Morril - #860

**Chris Williamson** (0:00)
Hello friends, welcome back to the show. My guest today is Sam Morril. He's a standup comedian, writer and a podcaster. America is a strange place full of quirky customs and bizarre rituals from tipping practices to unconventional dating trends. So I figured I'd ask one of my favorite comedians how to navigate this odd land. Expect to learn how long it really takes to adjust to living in New York City, why Sam felt like a medieval country bumpkin for a while, the surprising stats behind American passports, why Spanish supermarket pineapples are a dating hotspot, what Sam thinks about Lizzo's weight loss journey, whether the Kelce brothers podcast fame will continue, and much more. But now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sam Morril.

**Sam Morril** (1:05)
This is delicious.

**Chris Williamson** (1:07)
You haven't decided.

**Sam Morril** (1:08)
I know, I don't like it, I don't think.

**Chris Williamson** (1:09)
But you keep drinking it.

**Sam Morril** (1:10)
I keep drinking it.

**Chris Williamson** (1:11)
God damn it.

**Sam Morril** (1:12)
I keep drinking it, and I'm like, I don't think I like it, but I've had like 10 sips, and I'm like, maybe I do, I don't know.

**Chris Williamson** (1:16)
How long did it take to get accustomed to New York City?

**Sam Morril** (1:20)
I mean, I don't know, because I've lived here my whole life, but you picked like the worst strip. This is a really bad block. I mean, it's like all the people just selling fake bags. Who the fuck thinks these are real bags? I mean, if you're a tourist, are you not, and you're like, oh yeah, the guy who hasn't showered in three days and smells like BO. That's a real Louis Vuitton right there.

**Chris Williamson** (1:38)
Reputable stocker retailer of luxury items.

**Sam Morril** (1:42)
Yeah, just buy a fucking bag that's cheap, that's actually not gonna break the second you buy it.

**Chris Williamson** (1:47)
I don't know, this place feels really hard to adjust to. As someone who's not from here, I feel like a medieval country bumpkin going to the big city or something to have to speak to the baron or whatever. And I come in, I'm just overloaded. It's so loud, noisy, everything's smell. And then it's also energizing. But yeah, it's just, it's odd to adjust to. And people that live here are just like, oh, it's just what life is.

**Sam Morril** (2:12)
That's exactly my point. I can't drive, but I can tell you which subway gets you to like Brooklyn. I'm you, I can't really can't, I can drive, but I'm bad.

**Chris Williamson** (2:22)
So you have your license, but-

**Sam Morril** (2:23)
It was a bull, here's what happened. I took three tests. I failed the first two driver's tests.
I passed the third one because I got in the car and I was like, please don't fail me, I'm terrible. And the instructor laughed. And then I hit a cone and she was like, all right, you got it.

**Chris Williamson** (2:39)
It took sympathy on you.

**Sam Morril** (2:39)
Yeah, but then it was like, because of that, I don't drive out of like respect because I know it's a bullshit license.

**Chris Williamson** (2:45)
Oh, okay.

**Sam Morril** (2:46)
So I like never drive.

**Chris Williamson** (2:48)
Probably for the best.

**Sam Morril** (2:49)
Yeah, I did it the other day, but it was like six blocks.

**Chris Williamson** (2:53)
Jesus Christ. Yeah, well, another thing. Do people raise children here? Yeah, because I've never seen, well, I don't know. I just never, they don't look like they're going to school. Why do they go to school? Is there an underground, like subterranean children kindergarten area?

**Sam Morril** (3:09)
You see the little kids with the rolly bags and the going to, yeah, they look like businessmen. It's great. They're already jaded. They're already like, fuck, I got to go to school today. This is terrible, yeah. Oh, fuck, got a spelling test. Yeah, they're miserable.

**Chris Williamson** (3:25)
But teach is being a dick.

**Sam Morril** (3:27)
Yeah, do you know, they're, they're kids, I was a kid here. I mean, we grew up here, but it's definitely an energy. Like when people are like, this city is terrible, I'm like, I can't argue with you. There's a lot of problems. Like the amount of, I feel like every building is always falling apart. There's always like people drilling. You just walk around, there's people just drilling on the side of buildings to make sure loose bricks don't fall out and land on someone.

**Chris Williamson** (3:50)
You're kidding.

**Sam Morril** (3:50)
Yeah. It's called Section 11 law. So they will have to drill on the side of your building. So if you're like, it could be like, we could be doing this podcast and there could be a guy just like right outside the window, just like drilling.