Tom Segura: A Joke About Language

**Tom Segura** (0:05)
See, I've always had a fascination with languages. If you don't know, half my family is from South America. They're from Peru. I've been going there, yeah. I've been going there my whole life, and my relatives have been visiting me my whole life. Did you know that every time one of my 288 cousins comes to visit me, they always say the same sentence incorrectly, and they have for over 30 years. One of them will be visiting, and during their visit, one of them will come up to me and go, Tommy, I have to make a shit.
And I go, I understand. And if you speak any Spanish, you realize what's happening. It's a literal translation, because in Spanish, you would say a ser, which is to make, which, to be fair to all Spanish speakers, it is exactly what you are doing. You are, in fact, making shit. But I always correct them to be polite. I go, yeah, we don't say that here. Here we say, I have to take a shit. And they always go, why?
I will not take it anywhere.
I go, yeah, your logic is sound, but if you keep saying, I'm making shit in the toilet, someone's gonna call the cops, so just follow my lead.
See, if you're at this show, you speak the world's language. The world's language is English. Most of you, like me, did absolutely nothing to learn it. You were just born. And the rest of the world tries so hard just to communicate with us, just to participate with us, and then we mock them to their face for trying. Isn't that great? The whole world goes, hey, how do you say? And we go, meh, meh, meh, meh. Let's listen to this fucking idiot. Like you did something. I do not know, bap, bap, bap, bap. Shut up, stupid. It's like his eighth language. Some fucking redneck's like, hey, you don't fucking talk good. Fucking talk, talk, talk, muh. And you're like, yeah. Yeah, what he said, for sure. Watch Tom Segura, Teacher, only on Netflix.