Tim Dillon: A Joke About How He'd Parent

Tim Dillon (0:03)

We fight about the trans kid issue a lot. That's a big issue, huh? Well, the trans children? I don't care, I don't have any trans kids, it's because I don't have any kids.

That's math. But if I found a kid and I was gonna raise him, like if I had a son and he was like, Dad, I'm trans, I'd be like, Good, great, fine. You want a pussy? Fine. But we're getting it tonight.

Shitter get off the pot. You want a pussy? You'll wake up. I'll go with a pussy. Get in the car. Get in the car. And I'll spend good money on my son's pussy. I'll spend good money on my son's pussy. I'm not gonna take him to Mexico, get him a cheap pussy. It gets infected. He gets gangrene. He gets a blood clot. It goes to his head. He has a stroke. People go, What happened to your son? I'm like, sit down. It's a story. I'm gonna get him an expensive pussy, but I'm gonna make him show it to people at Christmas. I'm gonna go take it out right now. Look at his pussy, Ma. $30,000. Smell it. Smell his pussy. Smell your grandson's pussy. 30 grand. Do not be shy. Your rich, faggot father bought you a pussy. And it's Christmas, and it's God's birthday, and he wants to see your pussy too. Show your pussy to God right now. Show your new pussy to God.

That joke will not be for everyone.

I did that at a fundraiser the other night, and the woman who booked me was like, what's wrong with you? I said, listen, we're going to be the first generation of people to buy our children genitals, and then we're going to have to take them back because they don't appreciate it. Oh, you got a C in math? Give me your cock. Give me your cock, young lady. I'm not playing around with you. It's going in the drawer next to your sister brother's tits. Give me your cock. No daughter of mine is going to get a C in math and keep her cock. Give me your cock right now. Listen to me, I'm your mother, and I'll look just like this. I'm your mother!

Watch Tim Dillon, I'm Your Mother, only on Netflix.