This One Skill Makes Every Relationship Better

Mel Robbins (0:00)

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast.

If you want more people to like you, there is one skill that you really need to get better at. And here's the good news, you can. Today, I'm going to teach you four things you can start doing every single day based on research that will not only make other people like you, you're going to have more friends, better relationships, less frustration at home. You will become a master at resolving conflict. And when people talk about you, they're going to say great things. And it's not hard to learn this skill. What's super cool is you're going to learn today based on the research. This is an easy skill to learn because you are hard wired for it. And the more you practice the skill, the more you'll notice an immediate change in how you feel about yourself. You're going to see this difference everywhere you go. Because the more you do these four simple things, the more you're going to like yourself. And the more other people will like you too.

This episode is brought to you by Amica. Amica offers auto home and life insurance. But what really sets them apart is the way they take care of people. Their representatives take the time to understand you, answer your questions, and help you feel confident in your coverage. And if you ever need to make a claim, they work to make the process as seamless as possible, and look for ways to say, yes, visit amica.com today. As they say at Amica, empathy is our best policy. Now let's talk about this one skill that makes everyone like you. And I'm going to teach you four simple ways to practice it. And so you're probably wondering, Mel, I'm in. What is this magical skill? What is the thing that makes other people like me? The skill is empathy. Hold on. You didn't see that coming. I don't want you to roll your eyes. Do not turn off this episode. I want you to learn this. And I want you to really embrace the research that I am going to unpack. So let's just start with the word empathy. Because I have a feeling that like I used to, maybe right now, you don't really understand kind of what empathy is or how powerful of a skill it is in life. Empathy is a skill that powerful people have. Empathy is also not the same thing as feeling sorry for somebody, right? Because feeling sorry for somebody else, depending upon the edge or the softness that it has, could either be sympathy or it could be pity. That's not empathy. Empathy is something else entirely. But let's just talk common sense first. I want you to think about your favorite person. Like who is the person that when you think about them, oh my God, you just love this person. You have positive things to say. You exhale, your shoulders relax. You just really like this person. I guarantee you the reason why you like this person is because when you're around them, you feel good about yourself. When you're around them, they make you feel seen and heard, and they listen to what you have to say, and they're interested in your life. That's why you like them, because of how they make you feel. Remember the famous Maya Angelou quote? People do not remember what you do, they remember how you made them feel.

Empathy is the bridge between you and somebody else. The reason why you like other people is because other people make you feel good about you when you're around them.

And now I want to drop even deeper into why empathy is an actual superpower. Empathy is not for people who are weak. Empathy is one of the most influential skills on the planet. And this is why I want you to really lean into this and practice this every single day because empathy, you're wired for this. It is the closest thing you have to a superpower. And the first reason why is it taps into this thing called the law of reciprocity. What is the law of reciprocity? Law of reciprocity is basically when you do something nice for others, they do something nice for you. This has been studied extensively that there is a hardwired psychological impulse for you to feel compelled to reciprocate whenever somebody does something nice for you. Now, for example, if somebody opens up the door for you, you're walking into a building and somebody opens up the door, what do you immediately feel like you need to do if there's a door in front of you? Open it up for them. You don't even think about it.