The Unknowns of Motherhood

Alex Cooper (0:11)

Here's the thing. Today, I don't want to talk about dating. I don't want to talk about red flags. I don't want to talk about toxic ex-boyfriends, or, you know, how to break up with him. Today, I want to talk about the absolute wild mind trip that is transitioning into motherhood. So whether you are currently pregnant, maybe you're trying, or you're just at that age where your Instagram feed went from shots of tequila at 3 a.m. to, you know, just those aesthetic gender and nursery reveals. I want to talk about the side of motherhood that it seems like people are usually too terrified to talk about out loud. To remind everyone, this is my first pregnancy, and I will say through this process already, I have been really fascinated by the entire world. It feels like I have just been opened up to and continue to be opened up to. There's so much new information.

So many un-things women do or feel. Things that women feel comfortable talking about when it comes to motherhood and pregnancy. Things that people don't feel comfortable talking about.

And it is very exciting, but it's also a lot. Because like anything in life, the unknowns bring a lot of excitement and positivity, and it can also bring some fear and negative emotions. And that is really what I wanted to talk about today. I kind of want to talk about the deep, dark unknowns of motherhood. The excitement, yes, but also just to be quite frank, just like the absolute paralyzing panic of your entire life, your identity and your body changing forever. So grab a glass of wine. For me, I'll just be sticking to a glass of water today. And here we go. Let's get into it. Okay. So let's first start off with being completely honest for a second. Just you and me here, okay? Why does society act like the second that you see those two pink lines on the test? Your brain is supposed to magically just delete the last 20 to 30 years of who you were. It just like doesn't, it doesn't work like that, right? And I think the biggest, most unspoken fear I have heard from women, and honestly, one that I have felt myself is the fear of losing you. I just interviewed Emmy Rossum, and she spoke about it so beautifully. You are allowed to be so deeply, overwhelmingly excited to meet your baby, and simultaneously mourn the girl who could pack a bag in five minutes and sleep until noon on a Sunday, and make completely selfish decisions. Both of those things can exist in the exact same brain at the exact same time. And I think it's important that we just are acknowledging that so that we rid all women of the shame of having any doubts or fears or concerns around the new and next chapter they're about to enter in life. Understandably, there are women who are sitting with the realization that she will never truly be alone or free in the same way again. And that concept, to be fair, that's really terrifying. You've lived 20-something or 30-something or 40-something plus years of your life, and you've only really been responsible for yourself. And now that's all about to change. That's pressure and responsibility and just extreme overnight change, right? And again, I really ask when I'm talking about all this today, that people are able to please see the nuance and the fact that I am not saying you don't want this new life. We want the... We're so excited about this new life. But what I'm also saying is, it's really normal to process and wonder and think about all of this. And yes, be a little freaked out or a little scared or whatever emotion comes up for you when you start thinking about this massive change, because that's your reality. And you should never feel shame for that.

Some women will go through an identity crisis where you feel like you are about to go from being this main character of your own life to suddenly feeling like you're just playing a supporting role to this tiny, very cute, precious, adorable little human. But it's a demanding little human, right? I also think the reality for a lot of women is they silently fear and they don't want to say it out loud. But like, am I going to lose my drive? And how do I keep my career burning when my body is entirely focused on keeping someone else alive and being there for them? How do I balance that?

And so I think at some point we have to strip away the polished Instagram filters and the nursery reveals and the toxic positivity for just a second. I'm not saying we don't love all that stuff, but it's a lot of that stuff, right? It's a lot of that. And I think we also need to get comfortable and a little bit more familiar with talking about the absolute psychological warfare that happens when a woman realizes that she is grieving her old life.