The STRANGEST Thing a Doctor Has Ever Said to a Patient... I’m Still Shook

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The strangest thing a doctor has ever said to a patient. I'm still shook.

I was having a couple of moles removed from my back. While laying on my stomach, my doctor asks, Do you like to fish? I told him I do, and he told me that I could take my moles home if I wanted, because they make excellent bait. Weird thing to say, but still to this day, he was the best doctor my husband and I ever had.

My urologist crashed his custom e-bike on the way to my vasectomy, so he was a bit banged up and then he spent the entire procedure, like all 12 minutes of it, nerding out over his custom e-bikes.

What a co-operative cervix, he said during a pap smear.

Mine said, you've got a great-looking cervix. Wanna see? I'll get a mirror. I told him, you can just get your sample and get out.

I struggled with weight as a kid, and I went to my yearly checkup, which typically happened in the summer, so I wore shorts. My doctor put her hand on my leg and said, you're gonna have to cut down on the cookies if you wanna keep wearing these shorts. I still think about that to this day. Very similar. My doctor walked in, poked my stomach with his finger, and said, piggy piggy. I was 36 years old at the time. When I first moved to America, I had a physical, and I was a little bit chubby. The severely obese doctor doing the physical told me I really needed to lose weight immediately and start working out every day. Being a little kid with no filter and a tenuous grasp of English, I motioned to him and said, But you're fat. His response was that he's running every day and working on it while blushing like crazy. The doctor said, Have you taken an SSRI before? I said, Zoloft, I was weaned off it very quickly because it made me want to end myself even more than I'd thought about before. So he said, Here's the script for sertraline. Fast forward to a couple of weeks. How is it going for you? I feel worse than before, a lot like when I was prescribed Zoloft. Honestly, I've had to talk myself down multiple times. It can take time before it starts working, just stick with it and check back in three months. I then did what I should have done earlier, a minimal amount of research to see that sertraline is a generic for Zoloft. I weaned myself off and have yet to go back to that doctor.

Haha, are you sure you've never given birth? Why yes, doctor, I'm very sure. I think I'd remember that. Are you totally sure? Should we search the house for kids just to be hundo percento? I don't know how we'll beat that, but these docs all seem pretty dumb, so I won't put my money on it.

When I was pregnant, I had my first ever yeast infection. My friend brought me to the hospital because I was complaining about all of the moisture in my undies and she thought that my water had broken because I was a very high-risk pregnancy. The doctor's got my legs up on the stirrups, takes one look at my downstairs and goes, eww. And she then left the room, or so I thought, and I said to my friend, oh my god, did she just say eww? That's so embarrassing. But no, the doctor hadn't left the room, she had simply gone behind the curtain and then come back and said, I'm sorry, I did say that out loud. I have a problem with that and I've been getting in trouble. I don't generally laugh at embarrassment, but that is genuinely funny because she owned up for how awkward it was.

Huh, your knees look like they're from two different bodies.

Sir, please let go of your Janssen. I was getting an exam for testicular cancer and holding my member out of the way. Probably the most mortifying moment of my life. Well, at least you didn't have to say it to him.

After I had my appendix out as a 39-year-old female, I went in for my six weeks post-op. I was still having abdominal pain, but that seemed normal. He said, you're fine, turned to my husband and said, don't let her say she can't do the deed if you want to do it. We were both floored. It was 2024 My husband said, I don't force myself on my wife. It was so surreal. Screw doctors like this. During a pap, a male doctor had his fingers inserted in my downstairs and told me, oh, you're so tight. I can tell you've never been pregnant. I have been actually. And he said, I'm still good as new. I was so shocked. I didn't process it until years later. Of course, I never went back to him again. Another time, a doctor told my husband not to get a vasectomy because he'll change his mind and want kids with his next younger wife in front of me. Holy crap, my husband was so angry. It wasn't until we got back to the car that he had a retort because we were both too appalled in the moment. F these kinds of doctors, man. Was at a children's hospital to see a specialist because I have pectus excavatum. My breastbone grows inwards. And I remember the doctor saying that some women like having the condition because it makes their chests look bigger. I was 12 and I'm pretty sure my dad was right there with me now that I think about it.