The Speaking Coach: The One Word All Liars Use! Stop Saying This Word, It's Making You Sound Weak! The More You Do This, The More You Sound Like A Liar!

Jefferson Fisher (0:00)

When somebody is belittling you or being rude or being disrespectful, what we typically want to do is throw it right back because now we got to win. Instead of that, here's what I would want you to do. One, you're going to have five to seven seconds of silence.

Two, you're going to ask them to say it again, because a lot of time in arguments people take it back. And three, this is where it gets fun. I want you to say that's where your real power is, because it shows that you're the one in control, and they're the ones that are not. I'm Jefferson Fisher. I'm a board certified trial attorney, and I help people resolve conflict, resolve problems. And I can change two words, and change your life, just by what you decide to say next, because what you say truly has the power to change everything. For example, I teach that you never want to win an argument. When you look to win an argument, you will often lose the relationship. That's your prize, congrats. So, instead of seeing arguments as something to win, see them as something to unravel. And if you can just ask them the question, what am I missing? I promise you, that is the most effective tool that you can use for a difficult conversation.

Steven Bartlett (1:10)

But what about when you're dealing with someone that you don't like?

Jefferson Fisher (1:13)

The secret to dealing with someone you don't like is to...

Steven Bartlett (1:16)

And then, could you explain to me this image here?

Jefferson Fisher (1:18)

So, this is all about how to say no.

Steven Bartlett (1:21)

And how does one learn that?

Jefferson Fisher (1:22)

Start with ****, then end with ****.

Steven Bartlett (1:26)

Really?

Jefferson Fisher (1:26)

That right there is very, very effective.

Steven Bartlett (1:29)

We've got so many questions. The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett Jefferson Fisher. I'm incredibly intrigued by so many of the things that you produce content about, but also this phenomenal book. So, if we start from the beginning, who are you? And what is the mission that you're on?

Jefferson Fisher (1:49)

I'm Jefferson Fisher. I'm a board-certified trial attorney, and I teach people how to argue less and say more. And I'm on a mission to help change everything about someone simply by what they decide to say next.

Steven Bartlett (2:02)

What is a trial attorney? Is that a lawyer?

Jefferson Fisher (2:04)

Yeah. It's a lawyer, attorney, same thing.

Steven Bartlett (2:07)

And what do you do as a trial attorney?

Jefferson Fisher (2:10)

So I help people resolve conflict, resolve problems. So if you have a problem with someone, you have a choice. Do you go and just punch them in the mouth or do you sue them? A lot of the times it's something that somebody has hurt you that they cannot give back to you. So the only way they do that in the law is to compensate them with money. And so you can sue just about anybody. So that's how we resolve conflict here a lot in America. It's the same for the UK and litigation. So what we do is we advocate on behalf of other people.

Steven Bartlett (2:45)

So you're in the courtroom and you're against another trial attorney, essentially, trying to make the case for your party.

Jefferson Fisher (2:53)

Exactly. Yes, sir.

Steven Bartlett (2:55)

But doesn't that come down to your ability to articulate yourself and to persuade and to convince someone of your...

Jefferson Fisher (3:02)

Wholeheartedly.

Steven Bartlett (3:03)

Yeah, right.

Jefferson Fisher (3:04)

Yeah, what I say, the words that I give, can mean the difference between somebody getting their peace of mind back or losing everything.

Steven Bartlett (3:16)

And how does one learn? Like, how did you learn that? Where did your skill come from in that regard? Because you're regarded as one of the very best at what you do. So where did you learn?

Jefferson Fisher (3:25)

So I am a fifth generation trial attorney. So I grew up, and while other kids were maybe playing when they got home, I got picked up and taken to my dad's deposition, because my dad was the only one who could get me at that time. And so I sat in the corner with a yellow notepad doodling while he is finishing the rest of his deposition, or I'd go to watch his trial. I saw lots of closing arguments. And so I got to see firsthand courtroom stories. I mean, any of these people who have been in trial litigation, they're all wonderful storytellers. So you get to hear that and hear how they ask questions before they say they give an answer. And so you get to really add a first row view of how litigation happens and how to persuade. And what are the levers in conversation that push that forward progress?