The Smashmouth Giants, Bumbling Chargers, Stumbling Packers, Week 1 Overreactions, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

Bill Simmons (0:00)

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Live on Netflix, I am here with Cousin Sal. Wanted to mention we have a new re-watchable is coming tomorrow night. We did Rambo, First Blood Part 2 Me and Kyle Brandt. That's happening tomorrow. You can watch some people get shot. Listen, we just watched Giants Cowboys Sunday night. Cowboys minus three point favorites in Giants Stadium. New look Giants. A lot of people loving the Cowboys. A lot of theories that Jerry Jones has been quiet this year because he has a really good team finally. Explosive offense. A lot of high hopes. And unfortunately for them, you jinxed them on Wednesday with all of your Drake May rhetoric.

SPEAKER_2 (2:16)

I heard of it. No, no, I didn't.

Bill Simmons (2:18)

Now you did.

You were mean about Drake May. Drake May has nothing to do with this. You were mean this week. You got a little on your high horse, and now it all backfired with Kam Skadaboo just scattered all over your body.

Cousin Sal (2:31)

Crap. First of all, I was nice about Drake May when they lost the game.

SPEAKER_2 (2:36)

You were never nice.

Cousin Sal (2:38)

I tweeted his names in capital letters and exclamation points. How much nicer could I be?

Bill Simmons (2:44)

I would have felt bad for you today, but after you said Drake May be 330 times over the course of the week.

Cousin Sal (2:49)

More than that.

Bill Simmons (2:50)

How about maybe the Cowboys could have stopped the same play over and over again.

Cousin Sal (2:55)

All right. Put them up now.

Bill Simmons (2:57)

Oh, wait. Are you going to run another swing pass to Singletary? You haven't run that for two plays, you motherfuckers. You can't get over the side and stop somebody.

Cousin Sal (3:05)

So mad.

Bill Simmons (3:06)

You hit the ball once for two thirds of the second half.

And this defense, this vaunted defense that was supposed to be, you know, ready to roll and new defensive coordinator, all these new changes. And you got steamrolled by a bunch of oversized white guys. Let's be honest. They all looked, I didn't even know who was who. It's like number 45, 44, 41, guys are moving around and you just got, you got bulldozed. Okay.

Cousin Sal (3:32)

I didn't know we were going to inject racism into the podcast. I'm looking at the rundown now. It's not on there anyway. We're going to go over our most futures we regret.

Bill Simmons (3:41)

It's like, he's going to be running the ball here. There's three minutes left. I know he's going to run for 13 yards anyway.

Cousin Sal (3:47)

I can't argue. Well, I can't argue with any of it. The only thing I see, I didn't jinx it because I refused to give those nicknames that readers, followers, watchers, viewers, listeners, wrote in and gave Jackson Dard and I was like, no, no, no, I'm not falling for that. I'm not doing that because I'm going to come up here.

Bill Simmons (4:04)

Medieval Knievel.

Cousin Sal (4:05)

Upset. Right. There was some other ones too. But first of all, this is unfair that I couldn't do the Wednesday night show with you.

Why can't I do tonight's podcast?

Bill Simmons (4:15)

You got to do the Super Bowl after me. After we lost by 30 points, you got to come on and take a drink, maybe victory lap.

Cousin Sal (4:21)

You weren't in the Super Bowl. Come on.

Bill Simmons (4:23)

You were in the Super Bowl. I don't know. New York football giants, 29 first downs, six incompletions.