The Right Person Won't Make You Smaller — They'll Make You More of Who You Already Are

**Matthew Gottesman** (0:02)
Welcome to The Niche Is You. My name is Matt Gottesman, at Matt Gottesman on Instagram, and this is my daily podcast where I create short, quick hitting episodes to help you uncomplicate life, creativity, and the pursuit of your highest self. There's only main character energy here. Now let's get into it.
Welcome to episode 826, The Right Person Won't Make You Smaller. They'll make you more of who you already are.
This is actually playing off of a while back, I was telling you how I was having this conversation with God, and I was talking about peace. And one of my closest friends, he's like a brother to me, asked, how do you know peace? How do you know it's from God? And how God was like, I said, well, you know, I had this conversation with God and I said, you know how you're around certain people and your system always settles, and you're always completely yourself no matter what. Your personality is your personality, and it's just it's completely loved and understood by the people in front of you. In fact, if you even tried to dim yourself, they call you higher. I was like, yeah, yeah, I was like, and that's the short version of that. But I was like, I was like, they're from you. And God's like, they're from me.
Whether it is your friends or in this particular case, partnership, spouse, right, aligned love is expansion. It is not constriction. And I get people all the time, like I'm afraid of losing myself. I'm like, yeah, that's just it. In a divinely ordained partnership, in a right aligned partnership, it's expansion. You don't lose yourself. You don't collapse. They'll make you more of who you already are. That's part of their purpose. Relationships, the reason why they're so biblical and spiritual is because they're a mirror to your growth. They help you beyond just you doing it by yourself. When they constrict you, that is something to pay attention to because that may not be a relationship you're considering. Now, this does not, of course, account for our people's human nature's own insecurities and things like that, of course. You know, that happens in any... We're human, but the right people won't make us smaller. They'll make us more of who we already are. So let's talk about that. In this episode, I'm going to talk about the quiet test that reveals whether love is expanding you or shrinking you. So... And hopefully, it's expanding you. I also want to talk about why so many of us learned to shrink in love before we knew we were doing it. This happens. Maybe you're not trying to rock the boat. Maybe you're afraid that they'll be upset or they'll leave, or maybe there was like, you know, there was a time where you guys didn't handle something well. Or maybe in your past, you didn't handle something well, and then all of a sudden, now you're in front of somebody that you're like, Oh God, is it going to, you know, is it going to blow up on me again? It's like, no, the goal is we have to always be honest. And if honesty is a hard thing in terms of like, not a hard thing, but like, you're worried about what they'll say, that's natural, but you still have to give them a benefit of the doubt. Then how they answer you, how they handle you, that's fruit. You'll find out, right? Also, what it actually feels like to be with somebody who makes you more of who you are, how aligned love creates space for the parts of you that were waiting to come forward, the difference between intensity and expansion in a relationship, and finally, why the right person doesn't compete with your becoming, they are participating in it. That's right. They are actually part of the assignment. Otherwise, if they are draining you and pulling you off path, again, I was told a long time ago, when you think about the people in your life, are they pushing you closer to God or taking you further away? And this is not a hint. This is not always about God. It's about what God has for you for your life. God has an abundant life for you. God has a path for you. God has your stewardship, the things that you're here to do, your gifts, all these things. The question is, are the people around you, or in this case, a person or a relationship, is it pulling you away from that? Or are they helping you by participating in it with you? So let's jump into it. The right person won't make you smaller. They'll make you more of who you already are.