The Psychology of Trust, Goal Setting & Identity | Ask Me Anything Vol. 14 with Dr. Michael Gervais

Michael Gervais (0:01)

Ultimately, the biggest lever of trust is do you trust yourself to figure shit out?

When it goes sideways, if it doesn't go according to plan, if it flipped on your head, you know, unexpectedly, do you have a deep sense that you can figure that out, too? Do you a of Welcome back, or welcome to another Ask Me Anything on Finding Mastery. I am your host, Dr. Michael Gervais, by trade and training a high-performance psychologist. And the purpose behind these conversations, behind these AMAs, is to hear from you, to explore the topics and questions that you've been wrestling with on your path to becoming. Now, the goal is to expand on the themes and lessons and best practices that we've discussed on the Finding Mastery podcast, in order to make them even more applicable to your own life. By now, our incredible co-host needs no introduction. We are back with O'Neill Sespedes.

And just a quick note here, a note of gratitude.

This show does not happen without you and your incredible questions. This is the last AMA of 2023, and O'Neill and I are grateful for you challenging us with hard questions.

These are hard questions. It is so energizing to wrestle them down and to work them through and to be able to share our point of view. And it's really inspiring to know that our community is strong. We're full of people that are pointing to a high quality inner life and are fundamentally committed to getting better and helping others do the same. So I feel the fire in your belly. I feel the struggles. I feel the hope and the opportunity that you're trying to create for yourself and others. I just want to say keep creating a rising tide, keep pushing, keep exploring. I feel it, we feel it. I hope you do too.

So today we're gonna dive into the psychology and physiology of aging. We're gonna talk about why trust is a mental skill and how you can train it, best practices for goal setting, the dangers of advice giving, performance-based versus purpose-based identities, and so much more. And I wanna say thank you for one more thing, the book. This book, The First Rule of Mastery has taken off. I mean, for the list that we're making, the energy that's taking place, the feedback of how it's already making a difference for people to put handles on this thing called FOPO, this idea that the fear of other people's opinions is getting in our way. I just want to say, I feel it, we feel it. Thank you. Keep spreading the word on it as well. It's really meaningful, I think, to a lot of folks, including us. So with that, let's jump right into Vol. 14 of Finding Mastery's Ask Me Anything. Okay, it's been fun.

O'Neil Cespedes (3:03)

It's been really fun.

Michael Gervais (3:04)

I mean, I think when we started, it was like, we didn't know what we're gonna get into. And I was driving in this morning, and I thought about, it feels like the game, each time we connect, like the game gets elevated just a little bit more.

O'Neil Cespedes (3:18)

Yeah.

Michael Gervais (3:19)

We go a little bit deeper.

We're wrestling with more complicated questions. I'm having fun, so I appreciate you.

O'Neil Cespedes (3:25)

Yeah, I'm really starting to enjoy that. I'm also starting to enjoy, you know, being put on the spot and opening up. Cause you know, I don't really wanna open up, so you know, I love it.

Michael Gervais (3:35)

All right, good. So what have you been up to?

O'Neil Cespedes (3:37)

I wanna share something with you. It's gonna sound mundane and trivial, but it's important to me, right? It's gonna seem stupid, but it's important to me.

Dr. Mike, my hamstrings have been getting tighter and tighter and tighter. And I link hamstring tightness to, you know, getting older. Oh, yeah. So I'm trying to figure out.

Michael Gervais (3:56)

Isn't that an interesting link?

O'Neil Cespedes (3:57)

It's an interesting link, right?

Michael Gervais (3:59)

Cause there's some fact to it.

O'Neil Cespedes (4:01)

Oh, for real? I was kind of halfway joking. Are you serious?

Michael Gervais (4:04)

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Like, well, muscle stiffness and tightness with aging is, you know, but at the same time, the meaning of being older is what I'm curious that you're linking it to.

O'Neil Cespedes (4:16)

Oh, yeah.

Michael Gervais (4:17)

You are getting older. So there's some meaning underneath this somewhere, right?

O'Neil Cespedes (4:25)

Yeah, I mean, yes, yes, but it doesn't mean my hamstrings have to tighten up.

Michael Gervais (4:30)

Yeah, oh, it doesn't.