The Psychology of Positive Habits | Jon Gordon

Jon Gordon (0:00)

You are your habits, and so if a habit is not working for you, or you have a bad habit and it's holding you back, or it's hurting your life, you can pick a positive habit. And as I said, that thank you walk, that one habit changed the course of my life.

Michael Gervais (0:13)

How much of who you are today is shaped by the habits you've built, and how much is shaped by the wounds you never healed?

Jon Gordon (0:19)

If I had to go very deep, what am I really working on? It's what wounds have I not fully healed that I think I've healed, but I probably haven't fully healed. So I think I'm doing great, but then something may surface and go, oh, I'm not fully healed yet.

Michael Gervais (0:38)

Welcome back, or welcome to the Finding Mastery podcast, where we dive into the minds of the world's greatest thinkers and doers. I am your host, Dr. Michael Gervais, by trade and training, a high-performance psychologist. This week, Jon Gordon is back on the podcast, for good reason. Jon's a bestselling author of more than 30 books, 18 bestsellers, including his latest, The Power of Positive Habits. His writing, it lives right at the intersection of leadership, habits for personal growth, mindset and self-reflection.

Jon Gordon (1:08)

In your marriage, you're two imperfect people coming together and you got issues. And when something is triggering you about your wife or your spouse, it's usually you.

You think it's your spouse, but it's usually you.

Michael Gervais (1:21)

We also get really practical. We talk about gratitude, self-talk, leadership under stress and how to build better mental habits.

Jon Gordon (1:27)

Well, if you're anxious, you feel very disconnected from yourself, from others. I have found the more you actually do this and you make it a habit, it increases alertness and energy helps you sleep better at night. This is the ultimate leadership principle right here.

Michael Gervais (1:42)

With that, let's jump into this week's conversation with Jon Gordon. Jon, this is a real treat to be able to sit in person with you and have this conversation. We've known each other for years.

Jon Gordon (2:00)

Yeah, it's been a long time.

Michael Gervais (2:00)

We don't get to spend a lot of time with each other.

Jon Gordon (2:03)

We don't.

Michael Gervais (2:03)

Let's start with something pretty concrete. You've written 33 books. Holy moly. I don't know how you do it. And that's going to be part of this conversation.

What you write about is really about lifting people up, supporting them, challenging them, giving them best practices to, in this case, your newest book, to build habits. I just want to start with, what do you hope people will get from this conversation?

Jon Gordon (2:27)

This conversation, the book, my life. I just want to lift people up. I want to encourage them. I think I want to be encouraged in life. So I want to encourage others. I remember when I was down, I was miserable and negative. My wife was going to leave me. That's how bad it was. I lost my job during the.com crash. Didn't know how I was going to pay the bills. And I just remember struggling. And I remember saying, why am I here? What am I born to do?

And why am I so miserable? And I realized, Mike, I was miserable because I wasn't living with purpose. I was really focused on myself instead of others.

And right then and there, I said, I want to make my life about others. I want to encourage others because I was pretty self-focused. And I had become not a narcissist, but I had narcissistic tendencies. I think from the wounds I had dealt with in the past and the abandonment I had with my biological father leaving, that's a whole other story.

Michael Gervais (3:19)

So I know that is going to be part of this.

Jon Gordon (3:21)

All of that helped make me want more at that time and want to do more and become more and just live a better life. So it really became a quest to get better myself. And that quest began when my wife said if you don't change, we're over.

So I had to change if I wanted to stay married. It wasn't even like, hey, I want to get better at first, I want to stay married. But then it was like, okay, I also want to be a better version of me. I also asked what I was born to do.

Writing and speaking came to me in that moment. I'll never forget. So I want to be more purposeful, make a greater impact. I also now know I want to write and speak. But what am I going to write and speak about? I don't know. So I began researching all these ways that could be more positive. And this was during the emerging field of positive psychology all the way back in 2001, 2002