The Psychology of Menopause | Tamsen Fadal

Tamsen Fadal (0:00)

I'm on the set one night, and we're on a commercial break, and I felt something that I'd never felt before. I had this heat come up through my body and just sweat breakout everywhere, my heart racing, like pumping, and I was like, I'm gonna pass out.

Michael Gervais (0:12)

She's a New York Times bestselling author of How to Menopause.

Tamsen Fadal (0:16)

She's a powerhouse in women's health.

Michael Gervais (0:18)

Emmy-winning journalist and health advocate, Tamsen Fadal.

Tamsen Fadal (0:20)

I was told not to bring it up on television, and I did, and they said, could you please stop talking about this over and over again, just please stop. Nobody wants to hear about this all the time. And I said 1.2 billion women globally are in this transition in life. Everybody needs to hear about it.

Michael Gervais (0:33)

Coach me and our entire community up.

Tamsen Fadal (0:35)

A lot of the men in those rooms go, oh my gosh, I had no idea what my wife was going through, but all of a sudden I was living with a stranger. My wife has not wanted to have sex with me or be intimate with me or have me even touch her for a long time. I didn't know what was going on. I thought it was me.

Michael Gervais (0:47)

I did not get properly trained here. It looks just like anxiety and or depression, but they never said anything about menopause being a differential diagnosis. So I think, sadly, how many misses have I had?

Tamsen Fadal (0:59)

I've had doctors tell me they had one hour. Gynecologists, maybe a week. I had one doctor tell me that they were offered free pizza in exchange for a luncheon to talk about menopause and I say, oh, I get it. You weren't trained. There weren't doctors online talking about it. There weren't pharmacists talking about it. Everyone was on their own to figure it out.

Michael Gervais (1:18)

This conversation is certainly for women, but this conversation is also for men. It is materially important for the relationships we have.

Tamsen Fadal (1:25)

For any man that's out there listening, you're not going through menopause, one, but understand that you are going to be going alongside somebody who is. And whether that means that you're at the head of a big corporation or you're working next to women or you're a son or you're a father or you're a partner, somebody in your life is going to be going through that. And they don't have to go through it, but they do have to understand it.

Michael Gervais (1:45)

If we knew what you knew, how would men be better partners?

Tamsen Fadal (1:49)

So for me, the number one, one, one thing that I focus on first has to be.

Michael Gervais (2:00)

Tamsen, I've been looking forward to this conversation for a long time. I've been trying to understand this process that you have become an expert in. And I'm limited, you know, I don't experience it, so I can only observe it. And this conversation is certainly for women, but this conversation is also for men.

Me included in that narrative, obviously, because if you are a father, if you are a partner, and in the home, in the workplace, it is materially important for the relationships we have. And so thank you for coming. Thank you for writing a book. Thank you for your mission here. So if we just start with like, what would you want to say to men about the woman's experience with menopause?

Tamsen Fadal (2:46)

Well, it's exciting to be here, and it's exciting you asked me that, because I, you know, I've been talking to men recently, and I think it's so important, they can't be left out of this conversation. And for any man that's out there listening, like, yeah, be lucky you're not going through menopause, one, but understand that you are going to be going alongside somebody who is, and whether that means that you're at the head of a big corporation, or you're working next to women, or you're a son, or you're a father, or you're a partner, somebody in your life's gonna be going through that. And so for men to do two things, they don't have to go through it, but they do have to understand it. And it just needs to be the simplicity of it, and not make fun of it. And I think that we came from a place for a very long time where it was the ha ha in every sitcom and every rom-com, and we laughed a lot about it, which is fine, because there are some very funny parts to it. But I also think understanding it, so you understand that this person in your life hasn't changed to a point where they're not themselves anymore, but something is changing in them.