The One Question to Ask About Any Relationship | Ep 991

**Alex Hormozi** (0:00)
First date, I was like, this is what I want to do. Would you like to come with me?

**Leila Hormozi** (0:04)
Yeah, but I think that that's not...

**Alex Hormozi** (0:06)
Literally.

**Leila Hormozi** (0:07)
It's because most people don't know their goals. You know what I mean?

**Alex Hormozi** (0:10)
Yeah.

**Leila Hormozi** (0:12)
And I think even now, like, we're able to articulate our goals so much better than we were in the beginning. We just knew we were like, trying to fucking go places. You know what I mean? And like, I'll do whatever it takes.

**Alex Hormozi** (0:20)
Yeah.

**Leila Hormozi** (0:21)
Hunger.

**Alex Hormozi** (0:21)
But it's been like, and if the goal shifted, it was more like it got clearer more than it changed.

**Leila Hormozi** (0:27)
Yeah.

**Alex Hormozi** (0:28)
It was blurry, but it was like, in the beginning, it was directional. It was like, I want to go this way, and we'll figure it out as we go. But if one day you were like, I don't want to build these things. I don't want to build hospitals and build cities and do this, you know, all this, like see what two people can do in one lifetime.
I would, it would be very hard for me because it would be asking me to not be me. Yeah. And I don't know if I would be able to do that.

**Leila Hormozi** (0:52)
I wouldn't expect you to.

**Alex Hormozi** (0:53)
No, and I think that I'm saying, I think fundamentally because we both shared that goal the whole time. We've it's we've never I've never felt like I've I mean, we get probably lots of flack from the unit for this, but like I've never felt like I've had to make sacrifices for you.
Like I haven't had to compromise my goals, which is another way of saying I haven't had to compromise myself in order to be in our relationship.

**Leila Hormozi** (1:15)
Yeah, I think I was really nervous in the beginning. And then over time, you only continually reinforced to me that I could be myself.
Because it was so many years of conditioning to hide what I really wanted. And I think that's actually like what you've taught me a lot, is just like complete self-acceptance.
A lot of it has been like me just sharing things with you of like how I really feel, or like some may say like the dark side, or like dark desires, and the things that I want that feel in contrast with what maybe society projects on what I should want. And you've always just been like incredibly accepting every time. Even like when I was like, dude, I don't want to make dinner every night. I don't want to do all the stuff. And like I was really worried. I was like, oh my gosh, like this is, but I was like, it's not aligned with my goals. Like me cooking dinner every night to be a good wife. I value myself here, leading people, making people's lives better. That lights me up. Making lasagna does not. And you were like, I don't even give a.

**Alex Hormozi** (2:13)
Yeah. I said, if you want to make dinner, I will be happy that you made dinner. If you want to make money, I will be happy that you made money.

**Leila Hormozi** (2:21)
I think the question that people need to ask themselves is, does this person make it easier or harder to achieve my goals? And it doesn't mean that they're actively trying to sabotage you.

**Alex Hormozi** (2:31)
It doesn't mean they're a bad person.

**Leila Hormozi** (2:32)
No. It doesn't mean any of that. It's just like, it's that simple of a question. Also, I think the proxy to that is like, do I respect myself more or less being in a relationship with this person? That's something that I prompted to a friend of mine months ago when they were trying to navigate a really tough relationship. And I was like, do you, I watch you lose respect for yourself every day that you're in a relationship. Because this person is actually, you're trying to go towards your goals and they're actively dragging you away. It was somewhat active sabotage.
And then it's like, not only are you not going towards your goals, but you're actually degrading your sense of self.

**Alex Hormozi** (3:13)
I think it's also the, like, what traits about this person do I admire, number one? Because whatever they have is going to rub off on me. And then if I see myself with a blend of my traits and theirs, does that new person, is that new person more or less likely to achieve my current goals? And so like, I know that I need to be more patient. And so you having patience is like, yeah, if I had some of that rub off on me, that'd be a good thing. Hey, if I was a little more empathetic, that would probably rub off. That'd probably be a good thing. That'd probably increase the likelihood that it hit my goals.