The Manipulation Expert: "You're Being Manipulated!", "Use Jealousy To Manipulate People!" & "How To Know If Someone Hates You!"

Robert Greene (0:00)

You need this skill. If there's somebody in your life, and you don't know whether they're a snake or they're genuinely your friend, approach them from an angle and surprise them. And for a second, you detect what we call you should become aware of that.

Steven Bartlett (0:14)

Robert Greene is one of the best-selling authors in history. He's an internationally renowned expert on power strategies. He's been referenced in songs by Jay-Z, Kanye west, The Godfather of Power Seduction and Mastery.

Robert Greene (0:26)

We have this idea that if I apply myself fairly hard, I should be successful. But I kept noticing this blind spot that people had. They were terrible in dealing with people. And if you're not careful and constantly misreading people, they could manipulate you, they could wound you. But if you follow the process that I lay out, it will be the best defense you could ever have in your life. You know all the tricks people are playing on you. We have to learn to look behind people's masks. Being a human being means we lie. But you know what doesn't lie? Body language. eyes are hard to lie. The smile tells you a hundred different things if you know how to read it. But the problem that you have is you think it's a natural skill. I'm a human being. I know how to read people. You don't. You're operating in darkness. But I do believe everybody has that potential. So the first thing you do is...

Steven Bartlett (1:19)

frenemies. Do we all have frenemies?

Robert Greene (1:21)

yes. They sabotage you and hurt you. And you don't want them in your life. And one common sign of a frenemy is... They're...

Steven Bartlett (1:39)

Robert, you wrote a book about human nature in 2018 called The Laws Of Human Nature. Why did you write that book?

Robert Greene (1:48)

Well, it's the fruit of a lot of experiences that I've had.

So I wrote The 48 Laws Of Power, and prior to that book, I was somebody who never had any power in life. I was sort of a failure. You know, I had gone through so many different jobs. And then all of a sudden I write this one book, and people are coming to me for advice. It's kind of shocking, right? And I started noticing a trend. And the trend is we live in this intense technological age where we have so much power at our fingertips, right? And it's so easy to get attention on and on and on. And we have this idea that everything in life should be easy. It's all about just, well, if I apply myself really hard, I should be successful. But I kept noticing this blindspot that people had. They were terrible in dealing with people. They were making all of these mistakes. Everybody wears a mask. You wear a mask. I wear a mask. When we're out in the public realm, we don't exactly say what we think, right? We're all a bit strategic. And if you're not careful, you're constantly saying the wrong things. You're constantly misreading people. You're doing things at your job that you think are going to impress, but they have the opposite effect. And then something bad happens and you're confused and you're emotional. It was like this circle atmosphere of pain around the globe of people suffering because they don't know how to handle the people in their lives. And because we're so virtual, we're so locked in our phones, they were becoming worse and worse at reading other people, at understanding them. You know, when I sitting across from you, I can see your body language, I can see your non-verbals, I can see all sorts of things, I can deal with you as a human. But when I spend 95% of my time behind a screen, da-da-da-da, you know, and that's even how I date. Basic human skills of understanding, of connecting, of empathy, of reading, they're getting hopelessly degraded. That's my long-winded answer for why I wrote that book.

Steven Bartlett (3:55)

If there's someone listening out there and they can relate to certain parts of what you've just said, maybe it's a lack of their own self-awareness, or maybe they have poor sort of awareness of others. Is there a starting place to reversing that? Is there maybe a most important skill that we need to master at the foundation of that transformation?

Robert Greene (4:13)

Yeah, it's very simple. It's to get down on your hands and knees and realize you're bad at dealing with people. The problem that you have is you think that it's a natural skill. Yeah, I'm okay at it. I just kind of wing it. I understand what I'm doing. I'm a human being. I know how to read people, etc. You don't. You're operating in darkness. You're groping around. Just realize, first of all, that you need this skill. Once you realize that, the first thing you do is you look inward. You look at your own nature. You look at the things that I write about in the book, about narcissism, about irrationality. Instead of searching for people around you that fit those categories, look at yourself. It all begins with self-awareness.