The Mad Emperor's Lost Son

Tom Holland (0:10)

There, emerging from a tent, came Giant Despair, dressed for a gypsy wedding, and I could only stand and gape. He was the biggest man I'd ever seen in my life, closer to seven feet than six, built like an overgrown gorilla. His enormous body was wrapped in a robe made of lion's reins, which covered him from the white scarf round his neck to his massive half boots. He wore a black beard to his chest, horn-rimmed spectacles, and a smoking cap, and carried a throwing spear in one hand and a straw umbrella in the other, to complete this bispo costume. He had a sabre on his hip, a revolver in his belt, and a round native shield slung on his back. When he grinned with a fierce glitter of teeth in the beard, he looked like a gauzy on hashish. And then he spoke, brisk and high-pitched.

His huge hand gently enfolding mine, and he might have been a vicar, welcoming me to the sale of work. Charles Speedy, Sir Harry, used to be adjutant of the 10th Punjabis, saw you once on the grand trunk near Fattipur.

Sir Robert Napier likes me to dress native, thinks it's impressive to locals, bless him. I am his political advisor. And at present, your committee of welcome.

Can't tell you how glad we all are to have you with us.

Dominic Sandbrook (1:27)

That was not how we spoke, by the way.

Tom Holland (1:31)

Dominic, that is how they can speak when welcoming people to the sale of work. That was our old friend Sir Harry Flashman in his memoir of the Abyssinian expedition, recalling his first meeting with one of the most extraordinary characters in the whole story. That was the brilliantly named Captain Charles Speedy, who was one of three brilliantly mad Victorian imperial people who we're going to be talking about in today's bonus episode. Dominic, you've put down that Captain Charles Speedy, who was alive in the middle of the 19th century, is the uncle of one of our listeners. I find that improbable unless he's a vampire, or our listener Leonie Turner is a vampire.

Anyway, Leonie Turner apparently wrote to us about this guy claiming that he was her uncle a couple of weeks ago. And I want to know the full story.

Dominic Sandbrook (2:22)

She did. So she wrote in and she said, I hear you're going to be doing the Abyssinian expedition. I'm looking forward to you talking about my uncle Charlie.

And I took this, I'm in no way dissing you by the way, Leonie. I took this at very much a face value. And so I thought, well, wow, amazing. Like his niece is still alive. And when I finally got around to replying very rudely and belatedly, Leonie said to me, actually, I think it was her grandfather's uncle, but they still called him Uncle Charlie, because he's the most famous person in the family.

Tom Holland (2:54)

I have a famous uncle Charlie, my great uncle who competed in the Olympics, which I may have mentioned that before. I'll call him great uncle Charlie, actually, to be fair.

Dominic Sandbrook (3:03)

Yeah, exactly. So anyway, people who listen to our series already about the Abyssinian expedition may be saying, well, who's this bloke? I haven't mentioned him in the series at all.

Tom Holland (3:12)

I thought we did.

Dominic Sandbrook (3:13)

Did we mention him? I don't think we did, Tom.

Tom Holland (3:15)

I think we did. Yes, I think we did. Because I remember thinking Speedy, that's a tremendous name.

Dominic Sandbrook (3:19)

Maybe in passing, maybe just in passing. I saved him basically for this because he would have taken over the episode and there wasn't room for him.

And also I think because we care more about Our Rest Is History Club members than we do about the general public. Is that true? Would you agree with that?

Tom Holland (3:34)

Yeah, of course we do.

Dominic Sandbrook (3:35)

Of course, exactly.

Tom Holland (3:36)

We hate and despise our general public.

Dominic Sandbrook (3:38)

Right, exactly. We give them any old rubbish, but we save the really good stuff.

Tom Holland (3:44)

Crack out. Absolutely. In fact, we like to put in some deliberate mistakes.

Dominic Sandbrook (3:51)

Always. There are loads of deliberate mistakes. So we save the really good stuff further. Mark Carney's, the people who pay to join The Rest Is History Club. Do we not?

Tom Holland (3:59)

God, you love Mark Carney, don't you? I don't think we've recorded an episode where you haven't mentioned him.

Dominic Sandbrook (4:03)

Yeah, I'm very much very excited by the prospects of this renewal of the War of 1812 I'll be signing up to fight alongside all those beavers or whatever they've got in those AI ads that the Canadians are pumping out.