The Live One with Rebel Wilson

SPEAKER_1 (0:05)

Joe presents the House of Rugby together with Guinness.

SPEAKER_2 (0:08)

A very good evening to you beautiful people here at the Depot in Cardiff. Welcome to House of Rugby Live, brought to you by Joe, together with our very good friends at Guinness. Give yourselves an enormous cheer, you wonderful people.

England against Wales on Saturday, perhaps the greatest fixture in Rugby Union. We're gonna build up to it, we'll talk around it.

And hear from four absolute legends of the fixture and of the game. Those of you who've listened to this show before will know that I can't do any of this without two absolute reprobates. So would you please give a very, very warm welcome, first of all, to the one, the only, the legend of the Hoff, Mr. James Haskell, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_3 (0:48)

Oh, he nearly went, he nearly went.

SPEAKER_2 (0:53)

Come on in. The comedy fool.

Stand up, stand up, stand up, stand up. It's your walk on slide. Can you see it?

SPEAKER_5 (1:02)

No, no, really.

SPEAKER_2 (1:05)

James Haskell, rugby player extraordinaire. No fights, no knockouts, no submissions.

SPEAKER_5 (1:10)

Who the fuck booed when I came in here? I cheered when they said Wales are going to win, you bastards.

SPEAKER_2 (1:16)

It's not great, Will. You're looking mighty fine. He's literally just got to have a taxi. Hold on.

SPEAKER_5 (1:21)

Yeah, public transport, I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_2 (1:23)

Have yourself a throne. Ladies and gentlemen, we obviously have a third cog to the wheel. It is the Lord, the one, the only, the legend that is, Mr. Mike Tindall, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, well, well.

SPEAKER_5 (1:37)

We've come a long way.

SPEAKER_3 (1:38)

Exactly. We've come a long way.

SPEAKER_2 (1:40)

What do you make of this?

SPEAKER_3 (1:41)

It's great because the lights, I can't see fuck all.

SPEAKER_2 (1:44)

So there are one or two of them out there.

SPEAKER_5 (1:47)

The weird thing was that he was happy to slag people up when he could see him in the face.

Now he can't see anyone. Who's going to get it tonight?

SPEAKER_3 (1:54)

They could go anywhere.

SPEAKER_5 (1:55)

No, you're in Wales. You can't slag Welsh. Come on Welsh.

I'm half Wales.

SPEAKER_3 (1:59)

You played, didn't you? I did.

SPEAKER_5 (2:01)

Yeah. Well, I did Welsh exiles. I did Welsh exiles.

No, they did. They did. We never got off the phone. Please come back. Save us.

But the best thing, I told the story about the best thing about Wales is that with England, when you play the age group stuff, you have to put in expensive forms. Not in Wales. Some bloke got a small little pasting table out and a suitcase full of cash. So my dad was like, if you got your expenses, son, tell him it was a 700 mile round trip. So I sit him down. All right, mate, where do you come from? The moon, actually, mate.

Really? Yeah, I have, actually. Not the sharpest. He's like, all right, that'll be seven grand cash. Got conservatory out of it. It was unbelievable.

I got named in the Welsh squad and the English squad. And then I called up and sadly decided to go for Wales. But as I'm always reminded, I wouldn't have got into the Welsh team with the likes of Tipperick and Warburton and they wouldn't have wanted me anyway. But I thought I rang up and I said, listen, I'm going to do England. They said, hey, don't understand. What do you mean, James? We're Welsh. I was like, well, not technically, actually.

SPEAKER_3 (3:06)

They're from Wellington College and they're actually hopefully push.

SPEAKER_5 (3:09)

I had a diehard Welsh accent when I was in Wales. But when I was there, I was like little Lord Fauntleroy, very much like you, Alex.

SPEAKER_2 (3:15)

And we're off and running. Good evening, everybody.

Nice to be back in Wales.

SPEAKER_3 (3:19)

I love Wales. It's brilliant. I always love playing here. It's just Principality, the best stadium on the planet, especially when it's England versus Wales.

Woohoo. So, no, it's great to be here.

SPEAKER_2 (3:33)

It's very nice to be back. Mako Vunapola has gone into self-isolation and won't be playing at the weekend because he came back via Hong Kong.

SPEAKER_3 (3:41)

See, my immediate thought is he's definitely had too many barbecues, he's 140 kilos, right?

SPEAKER_5 (3:49)

He's got on the scales and he's gone like that, he stepped on it and it's gone up to about 140 Kegs, he's gone, oh, coronavirus, I've not been able to get it. Sorry, sorry, I definitely can't play. I mean, who's self-diagnosed that?