The Hidden Struggles Of Mental Health In Music - Underoath - #959

**Chris Williamson** (0:00)
Gentlemen, welcome to the show.

**Aaron Gillespie** (0:01)
Thanks for having us.

**Chris McTague** (0:02)
It's an honor, man.

**Chris Williamson** (0:03)
How long have you guys been playing together as a band?

**Tim McTague** (0:06)
I've been in the band for 24 years.

**Aaron Gillespie** (0:09)
And it was a local band two years before that, so 26 years. Yeah.

**Chris McTague** (0:14)
Right.

**Aaron Gillespie** (0:14)
We've been playing together for 24 years, though.

**Tim McTague** (0:15)
Yeah.

**Chris Williamson** (0:16)
Have you got any idea how many shows you've done?

**Aaron Gillespie** (0:17)
No, I don't. Do you?

**Tim McTague** (0:21)
2,500 maybe.

**Aaron Gillespie** (0:23)
Where did you get that number from?

**Tim McTague** (0:24)
24 years, 100 shows a year, something like that.

**Aaron Gillespie** (0:26)
There's been years where we've done 06, though, I remember.

**Tim McTague** (0:29)
Probably more.

**Aaron Gillespie** (0:29)
I got married the first time in 06, and that year we did over 300 shows. Holy fuck. Because I remember I got married in Salt Lake City and no honeymoon, anything. 72 hours later, back on the road. Back on the road with Taking Back Sunday. I remember that tour specifically. So it was us, Taking Back Sunday and a band called Armor for Sleep.

**Chris Williamson** (0:50)
I remember Armor for Sleep.

**Aaron Gillespie** (0:51)
They were the opener. Yeah. So we started that tour three days after I got married. So I bet you it's more than a hundred a year. We played over a hundred last year.

**Chris Williamson** (1:01)
So at least 2,000, maybe 3,000, maybe...

**Tim McTague** (1:03)
I'd say 3,000 to 4,000 shows. Yeah.

**Aaron Gillespie** (1:05)
I'd say 30

**Chris Williamson** (1:06)
You realize that's insane.

**Tim McTague** (1:07)
It is. I mean, I think it's weird to think about doing something for a quarter of a century. Like you hear people like, oh, I've been married for 30 years. You're like, wow, that's impressive. And then it's like, yeah, we've been in a band for 25 years, like the same band, playing some of the same songs.

**Chris Williamson** (1:24)
I was going to say, how many times have you played their only Chasing Safety? I mean, literally every single show, probably 2005, 2005, 2000

**Aaron Gillespie** (1:31)
Boy, Brush, Red, like those, like the bigger quotation finger songs off that record.

**Tim McTague** (1:36)
Yeah.

**Aaron Gillespie** (1:36)
Like something I think about a lot, as you were just saying that I think about this so much is the people I love the most in the world, like my wife and children. I have spent more time with him than them. Do you know what I mean? And I don't know why it does, it does a number on my head sometimes.
If I really like, if I get introspective about it, it fucks me up for some reason. And I don't know why. And I think there's a piece of like, there's a piece of guilt or something about that to me. And I never really talked about that, and I don't know if guilt is the right word, but there's like a thing, like if I think about the fact that like, and I love you and I love spending time with you, but like if I think about it, it's strange. And I don't know, you know.

**Chris Williamson** (2:16)
What do you think the emotion is when you feel it?

**Aaron Gillespie** (2:18)
The one that keeps coming into my mouth right now, just looking at you is guilt, because you spend X amount of time all the time away from your wife and children with someone else.

**Chris McTague** (2:27)
And what we do is fun.

**Aaron Gillespie** (2:30)
And I'm cognizant enough to know that I shouldn't be guilty. That doesn't make any sense, like technically. But for some reason, I feel that sometimes.

**Tim McTague** (2:40)
Yeah, it's an interesting emotion when you love what you do. So it's kind of, it's, I think if we were oil rigors and we had to leave for seven or eight months and we were in like the middle of the ocean, like eating shit, it'd be different.

**Chris Williamson** (2:56)
Because there's a sense of nobility and sacrifice.

**Tim McTague** (2:58)
Yeah.

**Chris Williamson** (2:59)
That doesn't happen when you're, fuck, like there's a type of intimacy I have with my bandmates that I'm never going to have with my wife. Like there's a type of intimacy that you have, like if you're dating a musician, there's a type of intimacy that that person has with a fucking random keyboardist playing in an airport that you as a non-musician will never ever know.