The Divorce Expert: 86% of People Who Divorce Remarry! Why Sex Is Causing Divorces! If They Say This, Do Not Marry Them!

James Sexton (0:00)

All marital problems stem from two things, and that's...

Steven Bartlett (0:05)

What about sex? How often is sex the issue in divorce?

James Sexton (0:10)

Oh my god. James Sexton, the world's number one divorce lawyer, specializing in billionaires, athletes and celebrities for over two decades.

SPEAKER_3 (0:19)

Giving him a unique insight into how relationships fail and succeed.

James Sexton (0:24)

There's about a 56% chance that your marriage will end in divorce. Yet, 86% of people remarry within five years. But most people have no idea what they are getting themselves into. And a great example of that would be prenups.

Steven Bartlett (0:38)

Who gets what when they break up.

James Sexton (0:39)

Correct. And the most shocking prenup I've ever seen said that for every 10 pounds the wife gained, she would lose $10,000 a month in alimony.

Steven Bartlett (0:47)

10 pounds of weight.

James Sexton (0:49)

And that was enforceable.

Steven Bartlett (0:51)

Your money issues lead to divorce.

James Sexton (0:52)

Oh, it's controversial.

Steven Bartlett (0:53)

What's the quickest someone's gone from marriage to divorce?

James Sexton (0:56)

48 hours.

Steven Bartlett (0:56)

Who cheats more, men or women?

James Sexton (0:58)

You'll be shocked to hear. It's...

Steven Bartlett (1:00)

Have you ever seen violence during a divorce?

James Sexton (1:02)

They ran her over four times and stabbed her.

Steven Bartlett (1:04)

Jesus Christ. So here's the question then, should we get married? And then do you think love is a terrible idea?

James Sexton (1:10)

I think it's insane to love anything because someday that'll be gone. And this thing's gonna break my heart no matter what I lose.

But that's not a reason not to love. And I think there's something really important there.

Steven Bartlett (1:36)

James, I've never spoken to somebody that does what you do. What do you do?

James Sexton (1:42)

I'm a divorce lawyer. I'm a divorce lawyer who represents people in contested divorce and custody proceedings in court. So it's the fact that you've never spoken to someone who does what I do is a good thing.

It means that either you've not married or it means that you've successfully married to the point where you would never end up in my office. By the time someone sets foot in my office, something's gone terribly wrong in their life. Because no one ever meant to meet me. No one ever meant to be in my office ever.

Steven Bartlett (2:12)

What is the probability that someday I do meet somebody like you and not in this context?

James Sexton (2:17)

Well if you marry, there's about a 56% chance that your marriage will end in divorce. Now that doesn't take into consideration how many people may consult with a divorce lawyer because they're having difficulty in their marriage but they choose subsequent to meeting me not to divorce for some particular reason. Whether that's they don't want to part with half of their funds or they've just decided it's easier to stay miserable and with a person or they're staying together for the kids but they want to know what their rights were. So if you marry, the chances of meeting someone like me are more likely than not if we look at it that way because it's more than 50%.

So it's a high number, you know.

Steven Bartlett (2:55)

But if we define failure as all of the other things you've described there where we kind of stay together but we're miserable or we stay together for some other reason, what percentage of marriages on that basis do you think actually fail?

James Sexton (3:09)

I mean if we consider failure staying together miserable for the children or staying together for financial economic reasons and then we add that to the 56% that end in divorce, then I mean it would be very hard to track that but I think it's generous to think it's another 20% probably. But I mean think about what that adds up to. That means that you've got something that fails 70, 75% of the time, that's a negligent activity. That's you know, that is more likely than not to cause significant harm in your life. So I don't say that to sound like the Grim Reaper when it comes to marriage. I actually really think marriage is a lovely thing and I get misty eyed at weddings like anybody. And not just for you know future business purposes.

I think the statistic that's even more interesting to me than how many marriages end in divorce or how many people stay together miserable is that 86% of people who divorce remarry within five years. So think about that. Now you've done this thing, it's failed. You've gone through this difficult process of having to undo it. And now within five years, 86% of people remarry. I mean, so that tells you how important this is to us as humans, how drawn to this idea, this technology of marriage we are. And that to me is fascinating because I've often said, like, I'm not sure what marriage was designed, what problem is marriage designed to solve?