The Dating Doctor: "Start Dating Like It's Your Job!", "Dating Apps Are Impacting Us More Than We Realise!"

Orion Taraban (0:00)

When women are empowered to make their own sexual decisions, they target the top 10% of men.

Steven Bartlett (0:05)

But why does any of that matter?

Orion Taraban (0:06)

Well, that creates a lot of problems, both for men and women. So it creates problems for women because...

SPEAKER_3 (0:11)

Dr. Orion Taraban is a clinical psychologist who specializes in modern dating and relationships by delving into the psychological aspects of attraction, communication and emotional intimacy.

Orion Taraban (0:22)

The meteoric rise of dating apps has seen a catastrophic decline in all forms of relationships. Fewer people are entering into relationships. Fewer people are even hooking up anymore. It is a crisis and a lot of the traditional strategies are no longer relevant.

Steven Bartlett (0:34)

So why'd you stop?

Orion Taraban (0:36)

First of all, date like it's your job. Lots of people just want a loving, secure, peaceful relationship. That's like wanting a job that's high paying, low stress and you're passionate about it. If you want one of those jobs, they're the needle in the haystack. You might have to send out 200 resumes and you have to get over that rejection. Another thing, you get more opportunities for selection, the more attractive you present yourself, then everyone can be more attractive than you currently are. And also, the less conventionally attractive that you are, the more you have to learn seduction. And if you can do both, you'll be able to have all kinds of relationships.

Steven Bartlett (1:05)

So how do I become more attractive and also learn the art of seduction?

Orion Taraban (1:08)

So first of all, you need to have...

Steven Bartlett (1:10)

What role has pornography played in all this?

Orion Taraban (1:13)

It has completely changed the game of mating and dating. If you give men the opportunity to exist in a sexually satisfied state, which is what pornography does, then they aren't going to be having sex with real women.

Steven Bartlett (1:24)

So the man that comes to you with this problem, what do you say to those men?

Orion Taraban (1:27)

The advice I would give is...

Steven Bartlett (1:37)

Dr. Orion Taraban, can you give me the macro picture as it relates to the work that you do? When I say the macro picture, I mean like what is going on in the world now that is so interesting and important for us to understand before we start talking about the relationship dynamics that we're going to talk about, what is that sort of macro picture at the moment and how has that changed and changing?

Orion Taraban (2:05)

I think probably big picture, the most salient thing in the world is the relationship crisis that we're working through. And it is a crisis. In the last 10 years, all kinds of relationships are being transacted less frequently. Fewer people are getting married at this country. I think in the most recent year in which statistics are available, it's at historic lows. It has never been this low before in the history of America. Fewer people are entering into relationships. Half the world's population lives in countries below reproductive rates, replacement rates. America would also be one of those countries if it weren't for its immigration. Like its actual citizenry isn't reproducing enough to replace its own population, but that's obscured by immigration.

Steven Bartlett (2:48)

Really?

Orion Taraban (2:49)

Yeah. Fewer people are even hooking up anymore. Like there's fewer even casual sexual relationships being transacted, which is somewhat surprising.

Steven Bartlett (2:57)

When you say fewer people are hooking up and there's fewer transactional sexual relationships, versus when? Versus like the 1950s or?

Orion Taraban (3:07)

Versus certainly 1970 So when the pill became widely available, there was predictably an explosion in casual sex relationships. We know that for both men and women, the number of lifetime sexual partners went up significantly. And we see that that's much lower these days. And that's kind of a problem because regardless of how you feel about casual sex, we live in a culture in which sex precedes commitment. So the way to get to commitment and to long-term relationships and engagement in marriage, if that's what you're looking for, is kind of through sex. It's the first step of a process that can potentially end in children and family. So there are important downstream consequences in a culture where sex precedes commitment when there is less casual sex being transacted.

Steven Bartlett (4:01)

All of those things you've described in the macro, those macro factors, why do any of them matter?

Orion Taraban (4:06)

Why do any of them matter?

Steven Bartlett (4:07)

What's the downstream consequence of all those things? You've described less people hooking up at marriage and all these other factors, relationships. Why does any of that matter to society?