The Classics: Grand Soy Unified Theory

**Jason Carpenter** (0:01)
Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Dead Rabbit Radio Classics where we take a listen to an older episode and give you some behind-the-scenes commentary. Now, this episode we're about to cover. Someone recently mentioned it in my YouTube comments, Padmooz, said they wanted me to re-listen to this episode. And I go, oh, yeah, that'll be dope. Jason, you don't sound too excited about it. Well, let's just put it this way. I'm going to give some interesting, I don't know if it's interesting, but I'm going to give some behind-the-scenes stuff on this. But if you're a fan of this episode, like Padmooz, get ready for me to rake it over the coals. Because re-listening to this episode was not the funnest experience, we'll put it that way. But listen to the episode, try to be neutral. You're like, what can he say about this? I'll play the episode right now. You can join me in the end for my feedback and my insights after. This episode is eight years old. It was episode 32 So let's go ahead and get it started. Episode 32, Grand Soy Unified Theory.
It's all food conspiracies today, culminating in the most dangerous conspiracy we've covered to date. The Grand Soy Unified Theory. Today on Dead Rabbit Radio.
Hey, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Dead Rabbit Radio. I'm your host, Jason Carpenter. Hope you guys are having a great day. I'm recording this at 11 That's kind of par for the course. I'm really tired, though. We had a performance tonight. I've mentioned before that I do plays here locally. If you're in the Hood River area, you always come out and see you play. Hit me up, deadrabbitradio.gmail.com. We'll see what we can do. Meet up somewhere. Actually, no scratch that because you might kidnap me. I was walking on the street today and a car rolled up to me. It was like, I don't really know cars that well, but it was like a solid black, I don't know, Chevrolet, it was old, it was from the 60s or something of that. There was this young man in the car and he had a bunch of tattoos on his arm. He goes, hey man, you need a ride? I was like, no, I'm cool. He goes, I see you walking all the time, which I do walk all the time. I was like, no, I'm cool, I enjoy walking. He's like, okay, have a great day and he drove off. Now, two things struck me there. One, what a nice young man. Secondly, I never get in a car. I never get in a stranger's car ever. Now, it's possible that he saw me walking around all the time and people have pulled over like owners of local businesses. I've been walking around for years. I've had them give me rides like an inclement weather. But generally, I won't take a ride and even the business owners, I know because I patronize their business. But if the young man was being nice, hey, thank you. That's kind of how I took it. I took it that he was being nice. But he could have also been a serial killer or an agent of Deep Soy. They could have known I was going to record this episode tonight. We're going to go ahead and get into the Grand Soy Unified Theory in the end. Keep you waiting. But first, we got some other interesting food based conspiracies to kind of wrap this week up. The first one I want to cover, and this was a fairly famous video when it came out. I'm going to include the link, but most of you guys have probably seen it before. They took an octopus or squid or something with more than two legs. What they did was they cut its brain out or cut the top of its head off or something like that. Then they poured soy sauce on it and it starts dancing. It's not dancing, but it's like jerking around. People were up in arms saying that was cruel, and other people saying it's already dead and we're going to eat it anyways. What's the problem? It's disgusting either way. I don't want to see my food move around like that. I can eat bloody food, but that's pretty gross. My question though when I saw that video was, if I took a human and cut the top of their head off, how much soy sauce would I need to make them move around? Because technically, you could have an army of the undead. Think about how terrifying that would be. You're in the middle of Afghanistan. You're a Taliban soldier. You're watching your post. And you see a bunch of your former clansmen herky-jerky walking across the landscape with huge bubble, like astronaut bubble things on their heads, helmets, I guess is the word, and with huge helmets on them full of soy sauce. Hey, that actually plays into the next story. I didn't make that connection. I'm incredibly tired. So you outfit them with backpacks of soy sauce, and it's just like pumping into this helmet. You see these bodies like just moving across the desert. That would terrify anybody, and it would terrify you because you would think, oh, if the US military kills me, they're going to turn me into one of those abominations. Like am I really dead if my body is moving around? I wonder, and the article goes on to say that it's an element in the soy sauce. I think it's the salt or something. You can tell it's well researched. I did read the article. To be fair, I did read it, but that it had something to do with the way that the chemicals are interacting with the muscle ending. So could you do that to a human? And if so, has anyone done that before? I think it would be a very effective weapon of war, just cause it'd be so terrifying. I'm sure the Geneva Convention wouldn't have, wouldn't really like it that much, but you know, they're usually buzz kills anyways. The next story, you can tell we're just moving along, cause I kind of want to get to this Grand Soy Unified Theory one, because I put a lot of research into this. A lot of research. This story kind of popped up, I just thought it was interesting, it's pretty brief. It is. Things, foods that you thought were vegan, that weren't. There's some interesting ones. Now, you know, I used to be a vegetarian back in the day, cause I wasn't, you know, the cruelty to animals things was like my main reason. It just got too expensive. The economy fell apart back in 2008, and all the prices went up, and I had to go back to eating meat. But, you know, I knew back then not to, you know, eat certain candies like Mamba, which I loved Mamba growing up, that has gelatin, which is basically horse hooves. It's bone, bone matter. And a lot of candies have gelatin. A lot of candies have gelatin in it, so I say from that jello, obviously. But I came across some interesting ones. So, Frosted Mini Wheats also has gelatin. Apple Juice has elements of fish bladder in it. And that's what gives it kind of its smoky kind of like, makes it look like a natural cider. The brown, like, you know, kind of the wavy stuff in it. That's fish bladder stuff. That's disgusting. Paintballs contain gelatin. Oh, this is a weird one. This is one that I didn't expect to see on this list. Tattoo ink.