The Art of Alignment, Part 3: Relationships and Reciprocity

Matthew Gottesman (0:02)

Welcome to The Niche Is You. My name is Matt Gottesman, at Matt Gottesman on Instagram, and this is my daily podcast where I create short, quick hitting episodes to help you uncomplicate life, creativity, and the pursuit of your highest self. There's only main character energy here. Now, let's get into it.

Welcome to episode 900 and part 3 in the alignment series, The Art of Alignment. This one is on relationships and reciprocity. Yeah, that's right. We're not talking about alignment and relationships. We need to have that conversation because it's brought up all the time. And there's relationships with your friendships, with your family, with loved ones, with business, business partners, colleagues. I mean, relationships are everywhere, right?

Alignment in relationships is not about finding people who always agree with you, okay? I'm going to state that part again. Alignment in relationships is not about finding people who always agree with you, or relationships that never require effort, okay? There will always be effort, and there will always be great people for you who may disagree. That's called a mirror. That's called integrity. That's called calling you up. Now, not disagree out of disrespect, out of different perspective, right? So alignment in relationships is not always about finding people who always agree with you or relationships that never require effort. However, I do believe it's about building connections where honesty, mutual responsibility, individuality, and genuine care can coexist. That's it. I think the episode is over. I'm going to just leave it at that. No, but it's like connections where honesty, mutual responsibility, individuality, and genuine care can coexist. You are always trying to show up as the best version of you. You are not responsible for somebody else showing up as the best version of them. You hope that they're showing up as the best version of them, and you hope that your presence is doing that for them, but you're not responsible for that. You're not to collapse into that, and you're not here to kind of pull that person along. I always use sports as an analogy, and I just put yourself in Michael Jordan's shoes. You know the championship, in this case, the championship of your life is on the line. You want people who are also willing to run on the court with you. It is that simple. And if they're not, it is not to punish them. It is not to anything them. It's to say, okay, we may not be teammates in life in some capacity. Got it. No problem. We're just trying to find who's running with me and who's not. That's it. Now, I'm simplifying it because I think when we simplify, we start to kind of look at things for what they are. What is the work I am responsible for? How am I constantly showing up? And am I around people who are doing the same? That's it. So in this episode, five key places I want to talk about. One, the right people won't always agree with you, but you should not have to abandon yourself to remain connected to them. So there's this like, can you guys share space with different perspectives in helping each other grow and understand and think about things? Not trying to force your opinion, not also trying to shrink yourself.

You know, the right, I'm going to say this right now, the right people, there's a lot of beautiful honesty and mutual respect. I really admire the people that I'm around.

And I say this all the time because I am truly grateful for them. They are very respectful, they are very honest and direct and kind and like, hey, let's discuss that. You know, we're always calling each other up.

The second thing I want to talk about is paying attention to the right relationships where you can tell the truth without constantly managing how it will be received. I probably should have led with this, with the point I just said, it's that right there. Pay attention to the relationships where you can tell the truth without constantly managing how it will be received. You know how it will be received. You can feel it in your nervous system. If you do not feel like you can tell them something, if you feel like you're constantly holding back, if you feel like you're having to alter how it sounds. My friends, there is something there that may not be on them. This is where there's a responsibility here. That may not be on them. Maybe they are actually very open to hearing anything you have to share. Maybe it's on you who might be scared to share and that you would have to come to terms with, or maybe you actually really have no problem talking about these things usually, but with a particular person in front of you, you're just not able to. Right? So there's a lot there, but I find that relationships where you can tell the truth without constantly managing how we'll be received, those are the ones you're looking for. And that was something that I remember very much so having this conversation with God some time ago, and I did a video about that. I was like, God, it's interesting when you think about the concept of peace in general and the people that come in your life that are for you. And that was a very big thing that came through, was that you'll never be friction, in my opinion, this is what kind of came through for me in that moment, was there won't be any kind of friction for your ability to be calm and in your conviction and in your sharing. It doesn't mean that they may or may not receive it well, but like your people receive you well. When I say they may not receive it well, meaning like they may have an alternative opinion for you, but they receive you well. I also want to talk about reciprocity is not about keeping score. That's right. Well, this person did that. Yeah, but the 50 other things that they did really well, but you're going to hang on to this one, right? Or, you know, well, they did this, so therefore, maybe I should do that. No. Reciprocity is not about keeping score. It's about knowing you're not the only person invested in making something work. This is in business. This is in personal. This is in friendship. You're both committed to just showing up as two really great individuals who are invested in the friendship or the relationship or the business or whatever it is. It is really that simple. As one of my best friends always says, simple, not easy. Because it requires your work and your humility and your ability to keep showing up and to lean in and have tough conversations and to also accept sometimes what those conversations reveal. I also want to talk about how sometimes you don't realize how much energy something required until you're no longer responsible for maintaining it. You all know what I'm talking about. You have all at some point been like, you know what? I'm doing too much with this. Let me let that go.