The 49ers Crush the Jet-Lag Bowl, Rams Overreactions, Bills-Texans, and Week 1 NFL Picks With Joe House

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

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Bill Simmons (1:06)

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It's The Bill Simmons Podcast. We are live on Netflix Thursday night, fourth podcast of the week. If you missed the other three, go check out My Archives. That's Joe House, Who Seems Awake. Do you have coffee, Joe House?

Joe House (2:20)

I don't need coffee when we have the NFL, even if it's on the other side of the world. I was consuming everything that the good people of Australia had to give us. Noah Eagle got off every single Australia.

SPEAKER_1 (2:35)

Shrimp on the Barbecue Joke, yeah. I think he had a catalog. We got them all in.

Joe House (2:38)

And by the way, we call it Melbourne. Everybody calls it Melbourne. It's not Melbourne, Australia. It's just Melbourne.

Bill Simmons (2:45)

Well, a lot of people don't know. We knew we were going about 25 minutes after Netflix's, the game ended, they were doing a post-game show. We simulated this with House in 20 different ways to see if he napped before, if he ate before, if he didn't have food. We tried 15 different ways, and we landed on this one to get the most awake House. Unfortunately, the Rams, who we found out today from Peter Schrager, who's banned from this podcast. Banned. Well, I don't know. He went on part of my take, didn't come on here. But we found out from him, he reported that the Rams tried 15 different staffers, last two years, try to figure out the right sleep science for this. And guess what? It came up snake eyes because they got their asses kicked. 27-7. In Australia, I don't know where to begin. I'd like to thank the following people though, House. Thank you to the Los Angeles Rams for taking Drake May off the hook.

It was a day long beating for him in the national media. Now that shifts to the Rams. Drake, enjoy the next eight days. Thank you to Sean McVeigh for teaching us about 15-hour travel.

Thank you to the Rams for, I didn't realize, giving us kind of an NFL villain a little bit here.

SPEAKER_1 (4:01)

Oh, fun.

Joe House (4:02)

Yeah. The pro-hypnotist favorite, the all-star team on both sides of the ball.

Bill Simmons (4:08)

Is this the best defense ever? They traded three first-rounders for Miles Garrett and Jared Virs. They had the 13th pick in the draft and they said, we're so good, we're going to take Matthew Stafford's successor.

They were five to one to win the Super Bowl. Guess what? It's six to one now. It's already dropping.

Joe House (4:27)

Kyle Shanahan said, F them boys.

Bill Simmons (4:30)

You know what he did? He put a shrimp on the barbie. Oh, god damn it.

SPEAKER_1 (4:34)

Don't do that. That's what he did. No more. That's what he did.

Bill Simmons (4:37)

He put a big koala nap on them.

They got their asses kicked. What's funny is this actually could have been a close game. It all came down to 17-7. Third down, it looked like Pukka scored. Tackled at the half yard line, whatever it was. Fourth down, they run a QB sneak with the decrepit Matthew Stafford, who moves like we do.

Joe House (5:03)

Why did they do that? Is he a bad back?

Bill Simmons (5:04)

Does he have a bad knee? What's his number one injury now? He's terrible at sneaks to begin with. And they decide to do that. It gets stuff. The Niners go all the way down the field and end the game. I thought that was an inexplicable decision, House.