The 2026 Fantasy Football Take Purge

Danny Heifetz (0:00)

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Welcome to the 2026 annual Take Purge.

My name is Danny Heifetz and I am joined by two men ready to cleanse their souls, Danny Kelly and Craig Horlbeck. Men, are you ready to embark upon a journey of catharsis?

Craig Horlbeck (1:37)

I need to be cleansed.

Danny Kelly (1:40)

I'm nervous. I'm a little scared, but I'm also ready.

Danny Heifetz (1:44)

You should be scared.

Craig Horlbeck (1:45)

There's a lot in here that I want to be out there.

Danny Kelly (1:48)

Right.

Danny Heifetz (1:50)

I can't wait to feel lighter.

We are going to embark on an incredible journey together. But first, an incredibly natural, well-timed advertising break.

Craig Horlbeck (2:01)

Do it again. Give me one more. Smoother and lower voice. But first, a very natural ad break. Not whispering.

Just be like, but first, a really awkward ad break.

Danny Heifetz (2:18)

But first, an awkwardly timed ad break. This episode is presented by Verizon. Let me tell you all about Verizon's new simplicity plan. You get one plan, one price, just $30 a line per month, even for a single line. So while everyone is running four trade analyzers before offering a backup tight end, Verizon said, one plan, one price. Sometimes the simplest move is the best one, like the simplicity plan. Head to verizon.com today. For new customers who switch to Verizon, $30 per line includes auto pay and switch discount. Additional taxes, fees and terms apply.

DK, you always get nervous for the Take Purge.

Why is that?

Danny Kelly (3:05)

There's a lot of pressure on making sure you get the right takes out.

Sometimes the takes themselves are a little bit scary. Just even say them.

Craig Horlbeck (3:14)

Even within the confines of the purge, which is like severance. What happens inside the purge is not who you are outside of the purge.

Danny Kelly (3:21)

You don't remember what happens inside the purge.

Craig Horlbeck (3:22)

That's exactly right. I don't know what I've ever said in there. Was it bad?

Danny Heifetz (3:25)

I couldn't tell you. I mean, look, there's just all this prep, all this research. There's just a lot of intrusive thoughts.

Danny Kelly (3:32)

There's a weight on my shoulders right now. I need to get that off my shoulders.

Danny Heifetz (3:37)

Unwanted ideation. Can you imagine if we had to carry these things with us, just walk around with them every day and didn't have an outlet at some point?

Craig Horlbeck (3:43)

What I'm most worried about is my professional credibility being at risk, which is why we vented the Take Purge so that my sterling reputation as an NFL analyst won't be jeopardized. Right.

Danny Kelly (3:54)

For you specifically, because you set the bar extremely high.

SPEAKER_4 (3:57)

Yes. The highest, maybe.

Craig Horlbeck (3:59)

I would maybe agree with you. So it's nice that we have this opportunity to get these intrusive thoughts off.

Danny Kelly (4:07)

Oh, my God.

SPEAKER_5 (4:18)

This is not a test. This is your emergency podcast system announcing the commencement of the annual Take Purge. At the siren, all takes, including things you don't actually believe, will be legal for 60 continuous minutes. No players, coaches or media members of any kind will be granted immunity. All rational thought, logic and professional credibility will be suspended. The Ringer Podcast Network thanks you for your participation.

May our Take God, Chris Simms, be with you all.

Danny Heifetz (5:00)

It's purge time, baby. Wow.

Craig Horlbeck (5:04)

Don't worry, we're not going to give our takes with these masks on.

SPEAKER_4 (5:07)

We're not doing the whole pod.

SPEAKER_5 (5:08)

That'd be bad audio.

Danny Heifetz (5:10)

For those watching on Netflix and Spotify, we do actually have the giant weird masks that they have.