The #1 Sign Someone Is Emotionally Immature ft. Sabrina Zohar

Jefferson Fisher (0:00)

How valuable is being forward in your communication in a relationship?

Sabrina Zohar (0:06)

To me, being forward in your communication is what's going to differentiate between getting what you want versus need and actually having the life that you deserve. Because, I'll give you an example. When I first met my partner, we did a lot of things that on paper, we should never have been together, right? Like we spent hours together, we were intimate together on the first date, and we left and I was like, I'm never going to see this guy again. But in my head, when he asked me, did you have a good time? Would you like to see me again? I looked at him directly in the eye and I said, spare me the time. At the end of the day, I don't do casual, I don't do friends with benefits, I'm incredibly intentional the way that I show up and the way that I date. And if you want to continue seeing me, that's because you reciprocate that. And if not, please don't waste my time and don't call me again.

And I remember him saying that was so sexy because I knew that I was less afraid of losing him and more afraid of losing myself. And I think being direct and to the point, you'll either get what you want, which is the person, or you'll get what you need, which is the clarity around, maybe they're limited, maybe they don't have the capacity or the bandwidth, but at least you're going to find out because you're telling somebody exactly what it is that you need.

Jefferson Fisher (1:05)

You definitely come across as a more forward personality. Where does that come from for you?

Sabrina Zohar (1:09)

Truthfully, I was never always like this. I learned this as I did a lot of work on myself and understood that the old version of me, you said jump, I said, how high? I was terrified of hurting anybody, upsetting anybody because that was the childhood I had. I had a narcissistic father and a people-pleasing mother. It was a very unsafe environment to be authentically myself. I couldn't just say what I wanted because there was always a risk on the other side of what that meant and what was going to happen to me.

I moved to New York when I was 19, started to find myself, started to grow into myself, dated all the wrong people. It wasn't until I hit my rock bottom where I realized, I consistently am waiting for other people to choose me, but I've never chosen myself.

Once I started to do that, no became my favorite word. I started setting boundaries, but it was really, honestly, where that came from was when I learned to grieve and learned that by being like this, I was going to lose people. I was going to have people that didn't like the way that I show up, that benefited from the fact that I said yes when I meant to say no. And I knew that in order for me to be authentic to myself and actually be this forward, I was going to have to be okay to annoy some people and to lose them. And that was a risk I was willing to take because now the people in my life are there because of how I show up, not for who I pretend to be.

Jefferson Fisher (2:25)

You speak really fast. Where does that come from?

Sabrina Zohar (2:28)

ADHD.

Jefferson Fisher (2:30)

Is any of your parents talk really fast?

Sabrina Zohar (2:32)

My mom is a pretty fast talker. And truth be told, my brother has very classic ADHD, like bouncing off the walls, riddling as a kid. And so I think in our household, in order to be heard, you had to get it out quick. And you had to say it so that somebody could understand. And my brain is like a funnel. I have so many things I want to get out that I have to be able to process it to get it through.

And for me, it's just, it feels really authentic for me to be able to just riff and have a conversation and get it out. And if you can keep up great and if not, that's okay too.

Jefferson Fisher (3:03)

Yeah, no, I can tell I'm like, I'm really needing to concentrate because it comes out really quickly. And you said you, you told me before, you also lived in New York for a while. I did. I think also that's kind of cultural, like how fast people speak because you don't get the time.

Sabrina Zohar (3:17)