Teenage Mutant Ninja Knockoffs

**Holden** (0:00)
Nerd of Mouth.

**Jake** (0:19)
In 1989, a televised animated program revolutionized the way children think about the martial arts, pizza, the dangers of radioactive waste.

**Holden** (0:32)
Surfing.

**Jake** (0:33)
As well as sexy reporter ladies in yellow jumpsuits. It was called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and it was totally tubular. At which point, the entirety of the American toy animation and merchandising companies across the country said, Oh, fuck me too, please, please, I want him so bad. I want money too, please, please, what do you want? What do you want? Please, I want the money.
And it is that phenomenon that we will examine on today's Nerd of Mouth, the era of the Teenage Mutant knockoff.

**Mike** (1:09)
Yes.

**Holden** (1:10)
I feel like we've actually really done a good job, oddly, of setting this episode up between our Daredevil episode, we have our He-Man episode, our Sonic knockoff episode, so many things that have led us up to this point where we really dig into the wild. I mean, when we first signed up for this episode, I thought there would be like five maybe.

**Jake** (1:34)
Fool. Imbecile.

**Holden** (1:36)
Yeah, child-brain.

**Mike** (1:38)
We can do this for many different things. We could do this for Star Wars knockoffs and James Bond knockoffs because if something makes money, it's a gold rush. Yeah, and it is also the best way to celebrate something.
We could do a 10-part series on the cultural importance of Ninja Turtles and it will not show how great they are as much as showing people getting it wrong.

**Holden** (2:03)
Yeah, absolutely.

**Jake** (2:05)
I'm gonna start us right off with a little game. We're gonna go one by one and I'm gonna ask you a question. I know I sent you guys some cartoons to watch this week, so you might actually do well in this game, but this game is called, What is Their Pizza?

**Holden** (2:18)
Okay.

**Jake** (2:19)
In this game, I will name you a classic Ninja Turtle knockoff cartoon, which again, in their infinite attempts to just crack the formula, decided every team needed their pizza.

**Holden** (2:30)
Yeah.

**Jake** (2:31)
And the lengths they went were absolutely gonzo. Starting with Mike, the Wild West Cowboys, COW of MUMESA.

**Mike** (2:41)
Yes, yes.

**Jake** (2:41)
What is their pizza?

**Mike** (2:44)
Their pizza.

**Holden** (2:45)
That's a tough one for me.

**Mike** (2:49)
I want to say it's steak in their cannibals.

**Holden** (2:52)
It's weird that they're giant cow people and they ride horses.

**Jake** (2:57)
That's because if you were struck by the Comet's energy, you were uplifted to the Mesa, but animals that weren't in the Comet's energy path were stayed domestic. They ride sheep, they ride horses.

**Holden** (3:08)
It just looks unsettled.

**Mike** (3:09)
The Comet also hit specifically one buzzard and one scorpion.
Voice by Jim Cummings. I'm going to say corn.

**Jake** (3:19)
No, that would make sense. Hay, silage, any great things a cow would eat. No, the Wild West Cow is Mumaesa lose their absolute shit over sarsaparilla.
Every episode, they got to get back to the saloon for an ice cold sarsaparilla.

**Mike** (3:35)
Okay, that's fair.

**Holden** (3:37)
Honestly, that's a Western trope.

**Mike** (3:38)
Yeah, yeah.

**Holden** (3:39)
Sarsaparilla for sure. Does sarsaparilla have alcohol in it?

**Jake** (3:42)
No, no, it's kind of like a crude proto root beer.

**Holden** (3:46)
Okay.

**Mike** (3:46)
But it does have sass.

**Holden** (3:48)
Yes, it has sass and it can cure your blindness.

**Jake** (3:51)
Holden McNeely, the biker mice from Mars.

**Holden** (3:54)
I was hoping you were going to say partner comandos because isn't it apples? It is.

**Jake** (4:00)
Which, no bonus points. The biker mice from Mars.

**Mike** (4:03)
You actually lose points for knowing that.

**Jake** (4:06)
What are their pizza? What food item do the biker mice from Mars, which having watched the show, highly sensual. It is the most sexually adventurous of the shows.

**Holden** (4:15)
I'd say gargoyles created a generation of monster fuckers.

**Jake** (4:19)
Oh, absolutely.

**Holden** (4:20)
I will say gargoyles is next level sexy as well in a weird way.

**Jake** (4:23)
But they were actually trying to be more, anyway, stop dodging the question, McNeely.

**Holden** (4:27)
Okay.

**Jake** (4:29)
What is their pizza?

**Holden** (4:32)
Uh, I don't know. I'm trying to look at my notes.

**Jake** (4:34)
Here's a hint. Here's a hint. It is very important to the Lord Biker Mice from Mars that they live in Chicago.

**Mike** (4:40)
Okay.

**Holden** (4:41)
Deep dish pizza. Wet meat. No.

**Jake** (4:48)
Mike, you don't get to seal the point, but it is hot dogs are their pizza.