Teaching Your Children How to Face Bullies with Confidence

Julie Lowe (0:00)

I start often by just asking open-ended questions to my kids, like, hey, do you know anybody in school that gets bullied, or what's it like? How do kids treat each other, mistreat each other? Because it feels safe when you start out here, and it's not personal. So my kids might be afraid of opening up about what's going on in their hearts, but they'll tell about what's going on in everybody else's lives. And so I just start asking thoughtful questions, and as much as I'm trying to gain entrance into their heart, they're also watching and observing how I'm responding to them, and they're seeing that do mom and dad understand? Are they responding well?

Is it safe to open up and share that I've experienced this? And so our responses really do matter, and that they're seeing compassion and understanding and care.

John Fuller (0:44)

That's Julie Lowe, and she joins us today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Thanks for being here. I'm John Fuller.

Jim Daly (0:51)

You know, John, bullying is one of those things every parent hopes their child never has to face. I mean, it happens sooner or later, and most kids will encounter that unkindness, exclusion, teasing, or even outright intimidation. I did, third grade, I know exactly when it happened and where and what school I was going to.

The truth is, our children need more than those quick fixes. You know, it's not something you just say a little clip and then keep moving, because they're in a tough spot often. They need that wisdom and courage and the confidence to know that their values come from God, and their identity comes from God. Here at Focus on the Family, we are here to help you navigate those difficult moments with grace and clarity, and equip you as a parent to help engage with your child to find solutions.

John Fuller (1:39)

And Julie Lowe is our guest, as I said, she's a faculty member and licensed professional counselor at Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation. She's written a terrific children's book that helps your child and you understand bullying and how to handle it well.

The title of the book is Gus Gets Badgered When You Meet a Bully.

Jim Daly (1:59)

Julie, welcome to Focus on the Family.

Julie Lowe (2:01)

Thank you for having me.

Jim Daly (2:02)

This is a great kids book, Gus Gets Badgered. What were you trying to accomplish here with the book?

Julie Lowe (2:08)

Well, we know that bullying is a problem that happens often among young people and unfortunately not just young people, we're seeing it across the board, right?

Jim Daly (2:19)

Why is it so prevalent? I mean, we're all talking about times that we were bullied.

Julie Lowe (2:23)

Well, it always has been. I often say, though, with the emergence of technology and social media, it's ten times worse because it used to be you could walk away from the bullying. You would get on your bus and go home and get away from the bullying, right? It was the school yard bully or the in school bully. But now, unfortunately, it follows with you wherever you go with the use of social media. And it is just a lot more difficult with the cyber bullying.

Jim Daly (2:53)

What age is this book geared for?

Julie Lowe (2:56)

So, that's geared for elementary age, it's for a younger group. But it introduces the idea of how do you think about it? How do you help a child think about being bullied and how they should respond?

Jim Daly (3:06)

Tell us a story of how Gus gets badgered.

Julie Lowe (3:09)

Yeah. So, Gus is the main character. And in this series, it's forced animals who are often dealing with different issues. And this is the issue of bullying where a new kid or new animal comes to town and begins picking on Gus.

And Gus has to struggle with how to handle being mistreated.

Jim Daly (3:29)

Yeah. Is there a distinction between what I would call the typical unkindnesses that kids can fling each other? You know, appearance is something that kids cling on to. When people look different, they'll say something out loud that when you hopefully become an adult, those things are kept to yourself typically. You may think it, but you don't speak it. Kids just say it, so that can be an unkindness.

What kind of line is there between that, what might be normal observation and growth of a child, and then crossing the line into bullying?

Julie Lowe (4:03)

Yeah, that's the challenge, I think, all the time with parents and kids, especially when you use the language of bullying. Some kids can weaponize that, and they come across somebody who says something unkind, hurtful, or just immature and foolish, and they call it bullying, when perhaps it's just immaturity or an unkind moment, where I think a bullying is something where it's more targeted and habitual in nature. But for sure, there could be incidents of bullying as well.