Stop Being the Good Girl and Become Inconvenient! | Terri Cole PT 2 (Fan Fave)

**SPEAKER_1** (0:00)
Best thing that's ever happened to you financially, go. Easy, sold my car on Carvana, amazing offer. Really?

**Nona Jones** (0:06)
I hit 200 on a scratcher.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:08)
Did the scratcher come to your house and hand you a check? No. How many scratchers did you hit to get that? I hit a button on carvana.com once. Okay, that's fair. It's like the lottery, except you always win.

**Nona Jones** (0:20)
Not like the lottery at all, actually.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:22)
Exactly, inexplicably good. Offer's worth bragging about. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up Vee's May Apply.
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**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:56)
What up, my homie? Welcome back to part two, where we're diving even deeper into the outer chaos that sometimes family dynamics can cause and go over how to actually handle them with utter grace, respect, but like a freaking boss so that no one can actually tell you what to do. Now, even if the thought of holiday dinners with your family has you breaking out in sweat, then don't worry, because today's dream team of experts has got your back. Now, I've got my girl, Dr. Ramani, I've got Nona Jones, I've got Ned Glover, I've got Melissa Urban, and I've got the insanely talented Nicole Lepera here to help and discuss how to handle those passive-aggressive digs that show up every time you sit at the holiday table. We talk about the tools that you need to stop people pleasing once and freaking for all, even if it's your mum or your mum-in-law. I know that's going to be freaking hard, but that's why you need to listen to this episode. Then finally, we talk about how to set boundaries that even your nosy aunt Cowell won't be able to cross them. Guys, this is your holiday survival kit. In fact, I'm going to reword that. Guys, this is your holiday thriving kit. See what I did there?
So no more walking on eggshells, no more biting your tongue. It's time to freaking show up, stand tall, enjoy your holidays, and protect your peace all at the same time. So let's dive in with these badass experts right here on Women of Impact. Not many people talk about their narcissistic mothers.
A lot of people throw the word around narcissism, especially around exes or boyfriends and things like that. It just means that maybe they were mean to them once. But the true toxicity of a narcissistic mother and how that can echo through is heartbreaking yet very powerful for you to talk about. So thank you for sharing that. How did you come to acknowledge that it wasn't you and that she actually is a condition and she's a narcissist? And then how did you start to distance? Because when you have someone like your husband, it's like, no, no, you should make amends. How did you come to acceptance that you weren't going to have the traditional quote unquote relationship with your mom, like many men, I'm sure of your friends, in your church, things like that. How did you not hold that idea of the perfect mother-daughter relationship?

**Nona Jones** (3:12)
Yeah, it was hard. It was really hard because I couldn't understand, like, I'm your only child, right? Like, you don't have other children, like I'm it. I couldn't understand. My mom, she would go days and weeks without speaking to me as a child, months and years as an adult.
Even now, if I don't call her, I don't hear from her. Like for years, she doesn't have a relationship with her grandchildren. These are her only grandchildren by choice. And it was hard because it was hard for me to comprehend. But I think what has been helpful for me is there is so much power in forgiveness. And when I use that word, sometimes people think I can't forgive somebody because they haven't apologized or I can't forgive somebody because they don't think they've done anything wrong. But what I've come to realize about forgiveness is that forgiveness is actually a gift that we give ourselves, because what forgiveness does is it essentially releases our future from the pain of our past.
And just because you forgive someone, that doesn't mean that you allow them access to you.
And we sometimes couple those. Like we say, well, if I forgive you, then that means I give you access to me. No, because not everyone is safe. And so I was in prayer some years ago and I was wrestling with this. I was like, man, I feel like I have to have my mother in my life because everyone's pressuring me to do this. And the revelation that I got was, and I feel like I really received this revelation from God as I was praying, was a healthy relationship is two sides of one coin. On the one side is forgiveness, right? It's like I forgive you because you hurt me.