Stop Being the Good Girl and Become Inconvenient! | Terri Cole PT 1 (Fan Fave)

**Terri Cole** (0:00)
Best thing that's ever happened to you financially, go.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:02)
Easy, sold my car on Carvana, amazing offer.

**Terri Cole** (0:05)
Really? I hit 200 on a scratcher.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:08)
Did the scratcher come to your house and hand you a check?

**Terri Cole** (0:10)
No.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:11)
How many scratchers did you hit to get that? I hit a button on carvana.com once.

**Terri Cole** (0:15)
Okay, that's fair.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:17)
It's like the lottery, except you always win.

**Terri Cole** (0:20)
Not like the lottery at all, actually.

**Lisa Bilyeu** (0:22)
Exactly, inexplicably good. Offer's worth bragging about. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up Vee's May Apply.
All right, ladies, ladies, ladies, we all know that Thanksgiving is just around the corner. And I got a question for you. How many of you are dreading it? How many of you are actually worried about being around your family or having family drama when it comes to holiday gatherings? I get this very often from a lot of you guys, where you get those inappropriate questions and those nosy, passive, aggressive comments and the emotional rollercoaster that leaves you more drained than the post-dinner food coma. Well, buckle up, because today's episode is going to change all of that. I really do listen to the problems that we women go through and then try my best to serve you guys with the information and the knowledge in order for you to take your power back. And one of the things that I hear over and over and over again is, oh my god, I've done all this work of my confidence, and yet somehow I find myself with my family feeling like a child again. Now, I don't know if it sounds familiar, but it definitely sounds familiar to me. So today, I've got my girl, the boundary boss herself, Terri Cole, and she's going to give us exactly, exactly verbatim a script of what we can do and how we can approach things, what we can even say in order for us to survive and thrive and have our own backs during the holiday season. Now, we're breaking down how you can actually respond to your cousin, Bobby, who asks you why you're single or to your aunt, who asks you, why don't you have children? We then talk about the secret to how to actually handle a passive aggressive relatives with grace and confidence. And then the exact strips that you need to set boundaries without feeling like the bad guy.
So, my homie, if you're ready to take control of your holidays, protect your peace and still actually enjoy being around your family and eating a pumpkin pie without any guilt or drama, then this episode is for you. And I actually ask you, please do share it with other women in your life. This is one of those things that a lot of women come to me and ask me about. So, guys, if there is someone in your life that also struggles with this, share this podcast so that they too can learn the skill sets in order to stand up for yourself and have your own back. All right, let's just jump in right now with my girl, psychologist Terri Cole on Women of Impact.
If our partner, family or friend is asking an utterly inappropriate question about our relationship, career, weight or anything that has absolutely nothing to do with them, how can we respond and stand up for ourselves?

**Terri Cole** (3:07)
People are going to say the most messed up things to you. They're going to ask you the most inappropriate questions. The most intimate stuff. Well, you know, why don't you have kids? Why don't you eat wheat? Why don't you, who, why didn't, where's the person you brought to last year's gathering, right? Like, why'd you get a divorce? Oh, I heard you had a miscarriage. Literally, people will say this to your face. So one of the, one of my favorite responses is from actually Kasha Urbaniak, who's a power dynamic expert. She's so brilliant. And if someone says, what happened with your miscarriage? You can literally, you question the questioner's question. So according to Kasha, when someone is asking us a question, they're dominating us. They're the dom and we're the sub in that moment. When you flip that script and you say to the person who just asked you about your miscarriage, why would you want to know that?
Literally, you question their question or, my favorite of hers is, why would you ask me that?
Now the onus is on that nosy mother-effer to explain, oh, you know what, dude, it was just my morbid curiosity. I just wanted to make you talk about something incredibly painful because I'm bored.