Steps 10-11 with Bonnie ,Kate, Marty

**Stephanie** (0:00)
This afternoon, the 10th and 11th step panel, and I have asked Bonnie to come up and speak first.

**Bonnie** (0:10)
Thanks, Stephanie. My name is Bonnie, I'm an alcoholic.
I'm so glad to be here. Thank you all for being here and for you all have put this on. Thank you.
Yeah, step 10, step 10 and 11
First of all, we better have to step 10 a minute ago. My husband was looking up a motorcycle back there before our speaker was starting up. And it's not even that, I've grown a lot. He was looking up, it was a Kawasaki, he couldn't think of what the name of it was, so it was Kawasaki Naked Bike was what he was looking up. There were some typos and a video came up, it was about to get ugly in here.
But we pause.
We pause. Anyway, my sobriety day is October 28th, 2009 I have a sponsor, my sponsor is a sponsor and so on. My home group is Bells of the Bar. It's a women's big book study in Lexington, Kentucky on Thursday nights at 8 p.m. We're hybrid. So we'd love to have any ladies join us in person or online. And so I was thinking about what was I doing this time of year back then. So I was in a detox facility. So I was about on day four or something in there. And that feeling coming out of the fog.
And I was in there basically just under threat. It was the end kind of for me. And I only had a couple of family members still talking to me.
And it was even when they threatened to take my dogs, is what they'd done. That was the last straw. They threatened to take my dogs. And it was one of those who went, you know, I was like, I don't have children. I have a stepdaughter, but I don't have children of my own at that time. I didn't even have a stepdaughter. And I just remember them threatening to take my dogs. I'm like, nobody's going to be able to take care of them. You can't take my dog. You know, and that was the time for me, the end of my drink and looked like I'd get a stash to last me a few days. Usually it was a couple of cases of beer and a couple of fifths of whiskey, cheap, cheap plastic bottle whiskey, and locked the door, turn off the phone. And I dump enough dog food out that the dogs are going to be okay for a few days. And I love those dogs more than life itself.
And I think I would have passed a lie detector test if you told me, if I said, I could stop drinking for those dogs. And that's the closest I can understand with children. I understand no human power sort of thing. But I remember arguing, and it was one of those who went to detox to get them off my back. And I was going to go back to managing drinking, which for me is wait till 7 or 8 o'clock and do this all day. And then wait, and I would either mark the bottle, or it's where I knew I was going to black out. But if it was enough where I could get up in the morning and show up where I was supposed to, that was going to be okay for me to live the rest of my life. But I couldn't even maintain that.
And I remember being in detox, and they had people that would come in and bring AA meetings into the facility. And I remember they'd bring us in there. And I'd been to AA a few times during the years to get people off my back. My dad went to AA eventually. He's an alcoholic. And he was that person. I hated his guts. Hated his guts. And I said I was never going to be him, you know, the typical thing.
And I remember having, I was sharing with someone earlier about having that conscious thought at 15 when everybody's partying, you know, I wasn't going to drink. I was just going to do a lot of drugs. So anytime you offered me a drink, it was like a thing, you know. I was like, I don't drink.
But I'd snort anything you'd give me. You know, I have all these like standards. It was a mess. So when I came to AA, also, side note, I was really confused about what I was and where I needed to be and what room I needed to be in. And I'm so thankful for the people that showed up in this treatment center and were very clear on what alcoholism was and were able to help me hear what each room was for and get me to the right room. Turns out, I cannot stop drinking. I could put down all the other substances. I could not stop drinking. I am completely powerless over alcohol.