Stavros Halkias: A Joke About His Rock Bottom

Stavros Halkias (0:30)

I think I did almost kill me. Yeah, it was bad. Like, if you took my blood at that period of my life, I'm pretty sure it would have separated like ramen. My blood type was tonkatsu for three years. I blew out the elastic on the ankles of my sweatpants. What do you... What do you do after that? Get bell-bottom sweatpants? I don't know. Couldn't post black and white pictures. People were like, no, it happened.

Yeah, I hit rock bottom because for three years, I gave myself the day you give a dog before you euthanize it. Hey, buddy, you want all your favorite stuff, huh? You want some Xanax ice cream and head from a girl with ironic tattoos?

Yes.

Just put it down, I'll get to it.

I was so delusional, too, you know? I was like, oh, I just need to get a tan, I'll be fine. I just need to get some sun. And look, the logic is sound, you know? I'm Mediterranean, I look nice with a tan. I look delicious. I look like a Cinnamon Teddy Graham. Yeah, thank you. So, you know, I tried it out. I went on vacation, went to Greece for a week, came back, looked in the mirror. I was right, I was breathtaking. From the front, and then from the side, though, just fully white down the sides. Which means I got too fat to tan front to back. This was now a front, side, back, side situation. You don't want that. To have to tan the way you cook a rotisserie chicken. All right, just got to get a nice, even coat. Watch Stavros Halkias, Uncle Stav, only on Netflix.