Squaring Up: The Moth Podcast

Chloe Salmon (0:03)

Welcome to The Moth. I'm Chloe Salmon. When the going gets tough, when things look their darkest, when you feel like it's now or never, there are two avenues available. One, you can give up, honestly a classic for a reason.

Or two, you can dig deep and square up.

In this episode, we've got two stories of planting your feet and facing your fears. First up is a story from Maia Molina-Schaefer, who told this at a New York City story slam where the theme was splurge. Here's Maia live with The Moth.

Maia Molina-Schaefer (0:41)

The Marine Corps taught me a lot of survival skills. They taught me how to shoot, how to navigate, how to lead. But what the Marine Corps didn't teach me was that sometimes survival comes down to a toothbrush and Beyonce.

You see why others packed extra ammo for war. I packed Queen Bay. It was 2006 and I was a brand new second lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps. I just checked into my unit and my first conversation with my commanding officer went something like this. Lieutenant, welcome to the unit. We're deploying in two weeks for a 15 month long deployment to Iraq. Here's your packing list. Get your shit together and get ready. Roger that, sir. So before I had time to understand and to comprehend the gravity of going off to war for my first time, at the height of the Iraq war, I focused on what I could do. I focused on the mission to get myself and my Marines prepared for this deployment. And I looked at that packing list that was very long and read kind of like this dystopian shopping spree. On one side, I had all the gear that I usually bring to the field, my uniform, my boots, socks, undershirts. But then on the other side, it had this weird domestic stuff, sheets for my cots, shower shoes, a shower caddy. All the domestic stuff that reminded me that I was going to be living there and not just fighting there. And as I was preparing my gear, I had a really good friend who had also deployed, and she gave me some great advice. She's like, make sure you buy something that just brings you complete joy and happiness. It may not be useful, but at least it will make you smile and laugh. So my best friend and I, who was also a Marine, about a week before I deployed, we went on this super special shopping mission. We were looking for those items that were going to make us just be happy in combat. My best friend, she decided to buy sheets with SpongeBob, because nothing says I'm a tough Marine like sleeping on sheets with a sponge wearing square pants. And I followed suit. The first thing I bought was a kid's towel. It was a Finding Nemo towel. I had a hood with a fin and a tail, because nothing says I'm a prepared Marine, like bringing appropriate aquatic gear to the desert.

And then I decided to splurge on this really fancy toothbrush. You know, instead of bringing the free one that my dentist gave me a week before, I was like, nope, I'm going to spend a significant amount of money on this really cool toothbrush that played, I'm a survivor by Destiny's Child when you brush your teeth. And I saw it and I thought, that's going to come in handy in combat.

So fast forward, I'm in Iraq, and in between just bursts of intense action, there's these long, mundane, routine days. Every morning I'd wake up and I trege all the way to the shower trailer in the scorching heat, and I'd take my two-minute regulation shower and I'd prepare for what the day was about to throw at me. I'd put on my uniform, I'd lace up my boots, put on my body armor, my Kevlar helmet, I'd strap my pistol to my waist, strap my rifle over my shoulder, and I was ready to go, rinse and repeat, every single day. But one morning, when homesickness was hitting me particularly hard, I remember standing in that shower trailer, staring in the mirror, getting ready, and I started to think about my family and how much I missed them. And then I started thinking about my friends and wondering what they were doing and how much fun they were having without me. And then I went down this dark hole and I was questioning all my life choices up into that moment, when all of a sudden my thoughts were interrupted by that powerful Beyoncé voice singing, I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up.

And the Marine next to me, she started laughing, she immediately started singing with me like belting at the top of her lungs. And then a Marine from a shower cell joined in, and then another Marine, another Marine, and all of a sudden there was six female powerful voices just belting out I'm a survivor with steam rising all around us like this surreal music video.