Simon Sinek: "Strong Thigh Muscles = More friends", This Is Why You Can't Make Friends!

Simon Sinek (0:00)

You want to know why we're lonely? Because we've architected our lives to be lonely.

SPEAKER_2 (0:04)

We are social animals.

Simon Sinek (0:05)

Of course, it's hurting us. And so the question is, is what can you do? And this is the one thing that I learned that was the greatest lesson I ever learned in my life.

SPEAKER_2 (0:14)

The true skill that we've lost, and everybody's guilty of this, is Simon Sinek, the best-selling author, sought-after speaker, and unshakable optimist is back, with one solution that aims to solve some of the biggest issues we face today.

Simon Sinek (0:27)

Everybody's looking for a biohack for all the problems that we're facing today, rising suicide, rising anxiety, depression, addiction, mental health, and there's one biohack that's better than all of the things that we're trying, which is friendship. But we are not good at making friends, and we're not good at looking after friends. There's an entire industry to help people become better leaders, to help us maintain better relationships, and there's no industry to teach us how to be a better friend. And yet, people with close friendships are healthier, they live longer, they better deal with stress, less likely to become addicted. Friendship is the thing that actually protects us. So why aren't we prioritizing our friendships? It's because we actually don't know how to do it. Mass transportation, technology, social media, all of these things, they've interrupted our ability to make friends. Or sometimes we have old friends where the only bond is time. But is it a friend simply because you've known somebody for a long time? They give you no joy, give you no inspiration, and if you have good friendship, you will not feel lonely. So yes, friends are allowed to change, and it's never too late to make a friend.

Steven Bartlett (1:22)

So how do I make friends?

Simon Sinek (1:24)

I guarantee you, you will make friends by learning how to make friends. That's all it takes.

Simon. Hi, Steven. Good to see you again.

Steven Bartlett (1:41)

Good to see you again. It's interesting, because we've had a lot of conversations, and ahead of the conversation today, I really asked myself, what are the subjects and themes that are front of mind for me at the moment, and subjects that I'm struggling to understand and grapple with and find solutions and answers to? And the sort of macro picture that I have in my head at the moment is that there's quite a lot of struggle going on because the world has changed quite profoundly, and the struggle is showing up in a variety of ways. We're seeing it in our mental health, which I know you referred to as mental fitness. We're seeing it in suicidality. We're seeing it in the rise of Islam and the rise of religiosity. We're seeing it in the rise in loneliness, which is something we talked about last time. But also now there's these other forces at play, like artificial intelligence, which feels like a threat, an increase in digitalization and a falling connection. What is your take on this moment in time, the times we're living in?

Simon Sinek (2:41)

these are complicated times and complex times. And I think they are more important, leaderless times. We're seeing the rise of populist movements and strongmen, leaders, not necessarily because they are the great leaders of the day, but because I think people are desperately lacking for meaning and purpose and to feel like we're going somewhere. We want to be led. People want to be led. Whether it's young people who are protesting on their school campuses or whether during COVID, it was anti-vaxxers or anti-maskers, whether it was Brexit, I think they're all very much the same, whether it's the left side of politics or the right side of politics, which is they're all basically anti-establishment movements. And you usually see anti-establishment when people feel forgotten and left out by whatever the establishment is doing. In other words, they perceive that the establishment is looking after themselves. So I think we live in visionless and leaderless times. That's the big challenge of the day. And so we find ourselves reactive to each other and against things, but few people can say what they're for.

Steven Bartlett (4:13)

So many of my guests have come here and then after the conversation have turned to me and said they're concerned about their younger child. Often they reference their younger son because they talk about the rise in the sort of toxic male influences online. And it kind of coincides with what you just said about looking for leaders. And now, some of those leaders that we're looking for are offering us a blueprint of what it is to be a responsible, stable human that involves buying a Lamborghini, having multiple wives and showing up in a certain way. And I've had so many conversations. In fact, one of my guests the other week brought me a dossier called Heroic Masculinity. And it was a woman. And she says, please, can you have more conversations about this subject? And passed it to me. And the reason she's saying that is because she's concerned her son is growing up in a world where he's not going to know what it means to be a good man.