Shaun W. AA Male

**Shaun W.** (0:05)
My name is Shaun W., and I'm an alcoholic. I'm also strung out on Folgers. You can see a cup of coffee and a chaser. By the grace of God and all that stuff that they talked about a minute ago. And also the Department of Corrections. I've been sober since June 14th. Yeah, 2006 Yeah, so it's been a while. And I think at this very moment right now, it's the first time that I've been sober and actually feel like peeing on myself.
I've never spoken of a venue like this. I mean, sterling silver coffee cups, and ribbons, and cookies, and four-star hotel, and they put some hot chick as my host. I'm like, I'm not supposed to be diverted from my primary purpose.
So I get a chance to come to you guys and speak. And it is a privilege. It truly is, and you know, after I shake off this nervousness, Buren P., will you please stand up? Buren, stand up, please. For those of y'all that don't know him, that's alcoholic number five.
He wrote most of our literature. I think his face is on like the 50-year sobriety coin. When I came to AA, everywhere I went, Buren was there, and I'm like, wow, and you know, I've been sober almost nine years, and it seemed like Buren hasn't aged a day. Look at that guy. He looks like George Hamilton or somebody.
He just amazes me with his charisma. I think he's in the witness protection program or something. I really truly do.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:22)
But anyway, enough of all that.

**Shaun W.** (2:24)
I'll get right to it. Man, I am, I'm blown away by being here again. And I probably won't speak long, because I got to use the bathroom.
So I was supposed to come over and tell you what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. And what it was like, I started out introduced to alcohol at a real, real early age.
My uncles were heavy drinkers. And they used to come to our house, and I'll give you the setting. We lived in the ghetto.
Seven brothers and sisters and me, eight kids, single mom, and we lived in a two-bedroom housing project. And, you know, I've been to a lot of speakers' meetings since I've been in recovery. And you'll hear this deal, you know, I felt like I didn't fit in. Well, I lived in an all-black neighborhood, so, you know.
That's pretty much screwed, you know.
And then they gave me some alcohol, you know. So, you know, that, you know, displaced feeling, eight years old, you know, not knowing anything, and, you know, giving me this stuff. And they called it up. They told me in the beginning, they said, hey, here, drink this. And I'm like, what is that? And they're like, Kool-Aid with a kick? And I'm like, okay. And I seen what it did to them most of the time. I seen the happiness and the joyous and the laughter and the honky-tonk music would be cranked up, and they'd just have a, you know, a grand old time. Now I didn't associate heavy drinking and alcoholism and all that stuff until I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I got some awareness about what alcoholism is. So, you know, at that time, it was like, you know, they'd have fun. They gave me some. I'd had fun with them. You know, I liked the warm, fuzzy feeling. I truly, truly did. And it was not Kool-Aid with a kick. It was Mad Dog 2020
They drank that high-end stuff, you know. Wild Irish Rose and, you know, Mad Dog 2020 and Thunderbird and stuff like that. So, you know, they bring it in there, and they'd party. I'd drink, you know. And, man, it gave me a sense of kind of like what I'm feeling now.
I'm the center of attention. And, man, I thrived on it. And, you know, when that alcohol hit my system, and, you know, I had that sense of comfort and ease. And, you know, I'm eight years old. And, see, I had a lot of issues going on. I didn't know this until I got into recovery, of course. And, you know, I never knew who my dad was. I had seven brothers and sisters. Five was from one father. Two was from another man. And then me, and I never knew who my dad was. So I was kind of displaced, you know. And later on through the years, when I end up in recovery, I find out I got daddy issues. You know, who wants to know that they got daddy issues? But, you know, I got this, you know, fear of rejection and, you know, this resentment toward men and, you know, this abandonment and all this old stuff. But, you know, throughout my life, I didn't know that that stuff was kind of driving me, you know, and I needed some ease and comfort to, you know, to be okay in my own skin when I'm around other people. And alcohol provided that for me. That and a lot of other issues. And man, I heard the most clever stuff. See, I did not discriminate when I was out there putting substances in me. I'm telling you, man, I would chew a 9-volt battery if it gave me a buzz.